


Skinship

by Camelabrakedabra



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Coming Out, Dating, Idol/Fan relationship, Idols, M/M, Sequel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-10
Updated: 2018-06-07
Packaged: 2019-03-16 03:05:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 38,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13627272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Camelabrakedabra/pseuds/Camelabrakedabra
Summary: The sequel for Talent.Somehow Hansol, a regular highschool student with acne and brace, managed to not only become close friends with his idol, soloist Boo Seungkwan, but also ended up kissing him. After three months of holding back, he's finally ready to give a relationship a shot, even though it'll open up a whole new world of coming out, scandals, and general havoc.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



_"I'm not exactly good enough to become more than a friend, though," he explained with an awkward laugh, "You have all of these girls chasing after you constantly, completely infatuated with you, whilst you're interested in a weedy, ugly boy with messed up teeth, bad eyesight and pimples everywhere. Do you understand how this doesn't make sense?"_

_He barely had time to finish the sentence before Seungkwan moved forwards to press their lips together in one firm kiss._

_It wasn't at all like Hansol imagined. For starters, he'd expected that Boo Seungkwan would be an amazing, experienced kisser, but apparently that wasn't the case at all. He was sloppy and too rough and he crushed their lips together in a way that completely threw Hansol off guard. Secondly, he'd expected more of a romantic situation as opposed to something so sudden and unplanned. Yet, it had a certain charm that left Hansol's entire body melting into a pudding right there and then._

It had been three months since their first kiss.

Hansol hadn't really expected a relationship to come out of the kisses that they'd shared. It was something that they had been toying with the idea of - and had even discussed in detail on a handful of occasions - but it wasn't exactly something that seemed serious. Between Seungkwan's constant busy schedule and Hansol's continued lack of confidence in himself, he figured that the last thing they needed was a romantic relationship to top it all off. It seemed like the irresponsible choice that would inevitably beat down the building blocks that they were forming. But naturally, it was something that had ended up coming up over and over again until one sleep-drunk night at Seungkwan's house left them genuinely considering it.

"If you think about it," Seungkwan started, "I think we would make a really great couple. I could even try to introduce you to the company as one of the rappers." That had come completely out of the blue; Hansol had never really mentioned his rapping to the idol, out of fear that it wasn't anywhere near as good as he thought it was. The last thing his heart needed was a sharp blow from a vast exaggeration of his abilities. He'd thus never shown his friend what he'd written or rapped. It was safely stored on his laptop, far away from prying eyes.  
"I don't think we should do that," Hansol pointed out flatly. His friend simply lifted his head to gaze at him in confusion.  
"I think your raps are good. From what I've read. You know, when you send me some of the lines and ask me for help with the odd word. Your writing is great for someone who is still in high school."

It was getting deep too fast. Hansol couldn't take a compliment as it was, but the added bonus of his friend trying to flatter him on specific areas just made it that little bit more difficult for him to handle. He let out a grumble to show that he didn't agree with the comments and then promptly hid his face in his hands. The slight dip of the mattress underneath his body showed that Seungkwan had flipped from his back onto his side. A quick peek through parted fingers showed that he was staring at him expectantly, although he didn't say a word until he figured that they were going to be laid in silence otherwise. "Okay, so even without the rapper part. I think we'd make a great couple still."  
"Seungkwan, please." Hansol let out an exasperated sigh. "You're an idol and I'm... well, me." His hands shifted from his face, only to leave him with the unimpressed image of the idol in front of him.

"I'm nothing special and you know that. I just happened to be scouted for vocals," he pointed out with a slight scowl, "Don't act as if I'm better than you because I just so happened to be what a company was looking for. If I was as superficial as 'just being an idol', would I be here with you right now? I don't think I would. So stop acting as if you're below me and accept that I want to be in a relationship with you." The mingle of irritation in his tone was suggesting to Hansol that he was both physically and emotionally exhausted by that point, and so it would be useless to try to argue it with him. After all, it was already three in the morning and they'd both been busy all day as it was. The last thing that Seungkwan probably wanted was to have to deal with him being petty by trying to brush off his compliments and suggestions as if they were absolutely nothing at all.  
"We can discuss it more in the morning," he finally suggested as he shuffled closer, in hopes that cuddling close to his friend would ease the hint of tension that was starting to build between them. Thankfully, Seungkwan didn't try to protest at all, instead giving a little hum of acknowledgement before allowing his friend to cuddle close to him.

Ultimately, Seungkwan got his own way. By the time they got to the morning, Hansol had made it through a dream in which he was watching a much-older Seungkwan winning awards and was able to support him as a romantic partner, rather than just a friend. It involved Seungkwan kissing him in front of all of his friends, and the two of them holding hands as they went for a celebratory meal. Overall, the dream had planted a spark of happiness in Hansol's gut, and he'd quickly decided that even if he didn't think that it was necessarily a good idea, perhaps it would be best to go for it because Seungkwan genuinely wanted that sort of relationship with him. He pretended to resist for a few minutes before suggesting that maybe they would be able to make it work, as if he'd not already been considering it right from the start, and suddenly Seungkwan took in a sharp breath as he realised that yes, Hansol wanted him back.

The next step, though, was for Hansol to tell his parents about his own sexuality before he actually got to the topic of himself and Seungkwan. As they'd discussed right at the start, it was vital for him to come out before he slipped up, and so they needed to plan and execute it as soon as possible. It was something that he'd never really thought of bringing up before. Perhaps it didn't feel important, or maybe he was trying to make it seem unimportant in his mind so that he could cope with the fact that he would eventually have to tell them, but it was frankly a lot harder than he could've possibly imagined. The thought of actually going to them was something that he wasn't at all fond of and each time he considered how he would bring the topic up, he always felt a surge of anxiety running through his entire body.

For the first month, he kept completely quiet. He didn't say a single word, instead opting to keep their relationship in the background. He would make sure that there was no chance of being found out whenever they kissed or did anything romantic, and he always tried to make it seem as if they were just spending time together as friends whenever either boy visited the other's house. He was certain that no one would be able to catch the subtle touches and smiles between them for the most part, especially seeing as they tried their hardest to keep their hands off each other when there were other people around, but then it eventually got to the point where he was certain that his parents were actually trying to _encourage_ him to come out to them, as if they were expecting him to want to discuss his romance openly or something. It completely caught Hansol off-guard; he didn't really know how to approach it when it came up, nor did he know whether what he was saying would encourage them or make them question whether their son was simply developing a strong friendship with his idol.

"So," his mother would start when they were in the kitchen together, "Seungkwan is a nice boy, isn't he?" It was as if she was just meeting him for the first time or something, from the way that she was talking about him, and so Hansol paused for a moment to grasp his bearings before giving his answer.  
"I mean, I guess. He's a really great friend." She gave a sympathetic-sounding hum before turning back to her cooking.  
"I think he's pretty attractive, too. Obviously for a younger person, not for me. He just has that sort of face that would get the girls' hearts melting." Then she would pause for a moment before flashing an innocent smile at her son. "And the boys' hearts too. I'm not here to judge sexuality."

Hansol would stare at her in silence for a while, not really knowing how to respond to the statement, and she would immediately act as if she'd said nothing at all. Her eyes would shift back to the food and she would get straight back to it without another word for a while, until eventually she would flash another glance at him. "I've been meaning to ask for a while, Hansol," she would say, trying not to make herself seem too invasive or overly curious. As much as she was his mom and he wasn't going to be rude to her, there was sometimes too much invasion that would essentially make him shut down so that her mission to gain an insight into her son's life would fall flat. "Have you got a girlfriend? You seem to be glowing lately, as if you're very happy or in love or something."

Mothers had a way of finding that sort of thing out. He could tell that she knew that something was up and it wasn't just a coincidence that she'd mentioned Seungkwan's looks and her theory that he was in a relationship at around the same time. It was something that he knew she wouldn't discuss with him directly unless he showed signs that he was ready to have that sort of conversation. He took it straight to Seungkwan, asking what he should do in response to that sort of discussion, and he instantly watched his new boyfriend's face light up with excitement.  
"I love your mom," he said straight away, without even adding any of the much-needed advice to his comment. Did he find her amusing? Did he think that she was a good parent for trying to show her support for him in a subtle way like that? Did he think that she simply made a great parent?

Seungkwan ended up explaining that it was probably time for him to come out to her, and that she was probably expecting him to do so at some point in the near future. She wouldn't be able to show him the maximum support until she knew for sure that she wasn't simply jumping to conclusions based on the fact that they spent a lot of time together. If she wasn't showing signs that she was uncomfortable with the thought of her son being attracted to other boys, it was probably a good sign that it was safe to have that discussion with her. If she accepted it too, she would probably make sure that his dad was comfortable with it right away so that Hansol wouldn't have any issues with his family whatsoever. And then there was Sofia, but she already knew that he was in love with Seungkwan and that they had already kissed, so it wasn't going to be a huge surprise for her to find out that they were actually in a relationship. In fact, he would probably end up telling her before he told anyone else.

So they ended up planning out his coming out event. It was going to be a pretty big deal, primarily because it would give him the chance to give all of the news at once. A hyped-up celebration of his attraction to guys would make the introduction of Seungkwan as his boyfriend a lot easier than if he simply sat them in the main room and told them straight out. It was a subtle little aspect of human psychology; if Hansol made it seem as if he was having an identity crisis, no one in his family would really know how to take the news. If he made it into a party or celebration, they were more likely to celebrate with him.

Seungkwan mapped every little aspect out for him. He'd already done that sort of thing for himself when he was talking about his sexuality to his parent, and later his company when he'd finally found his feet. He'd started out with a huge cake made with rainbow layered cakes. The room would be filled with balloons or something even more extravagant. He would make a sausage dish for dinner, just to play with it a little bit. He could probably get away with playing an American song about coming out in the background, since his parents were both fluent in English. It was something that Seungkwan had found on his search for suitable music, but had decided against since his family weren't all that familiar with the language. Seungkwan offered to come along with him too so that they would be able to introduce the matter together and have fun with it, and then hopefully his family would show their full support on the spot. It was just a little something that would not only help him to feel a lot more comfortable with discussing his sexuality with his family, but it would also help to make things easier for everyone to take in.

Hansol ended up changing the plans here and there so that it was a lot less obvious, but it was still going to be like a party. It wasn't like him to go too overboard with that sort of thing, so he guessed that his family would see it as more of a new aspect of his identity, rather than a complete change in his personality, if he was to tone it down a bit. He decided to keep the sausage dish, making sure to inform his mother that he wanted to cook that evening because he had a surprise for them. Although she seemed surprised by the suggestion, she allowed him to make the dinner without any questions, and so he got started with his plan. Seungkwan already had the cake that they'd made together at his house and was going to bring it along when everyone was waiting in the main room for the dessert that Hansol promised, and that way no one would find it in the kitchen and ruin the surprise.

It was a huge struggle to actually make the food once he'd committed to it. Hansol quickly found that his hands didn't want to move, and he almost ended up taking his fingers off with the knife on countless occasions. He was trying to be cute by cutting the sausage into the shape of octopi, but it was proving to be incredibly difficult when he either clammed up or ended up shaking. In the end, he had to ask Seungkwan to go over to the house early, since it was his day off and he wasn't actually doing anything anyway, and then they had to finish off the meal together. That way, there was less of a chance of Hansol taking off his entire hand through sheer nerves.

By the time they'd finished, the food looked moderately presentable. The sausage octopi were laid on a bed of noodles, mixed with bean sprouts and cabbage, and he'd even made green tea to go with the dish. It whilst it still looked somewhat messy, he guessed that it would all be eaten up anyway so it didn't really matter that much whether half of the octopi were cut so awkwardly that they were toppling over, and that the ratio of meat to noodles was relatively poor. He didn't think that his family would mind all that much either. Together, they took the dishes in for the family and took their seats around the table so that they could get started.

"Oh, I didn't realise that you were here already, Seungkwan," his mom said as she adjusted her position at the table, "Hansol mentioned that you would be dropping by later, but I thought you would be here in an hour or two, if anything."  
"He needed help with the food. You know how he gets when he's nervous," Seungkwan laughed. It took a moment to realise that he'd slipped up, at which point eyebrows were already starting to raise in their direction, so he quickly added that it was his first time cooking that recipe and he was scared that he was going to mess it up, despite the fact that it was just noodles and sausage for the most part. Hansol let out a sigh of relief as he saw everyone's expressions starting to soften again; it was just like him to get nervous about that sort of thing, and they were probably glad that he'd received help with it instead of landing himself straight in the Emergency Room.

As always, the meal was relatively social. They each discussed what they'd been doing that day, along with anything funny or interesting that they'd heard. Hansol made sure that he was last to speak, which would give everyone the chance to finish their food before they actually got to him. Thankfully, Seungkwan was going to drag his own day out for as long as possible and would ask questions to everyone else at the table if he needed to do so, just so that they wouldn't have to ask Hansol about his day right away. With five of them at the table, it meant that they were able to extend the conversation past the point where it would usually become idle during family meals, and then they made it right to the end of the main course before they got around to asking him what he'd been up to.

Hearing about everyone else's days had actually helped to calm his nerves a bit. Sofia discussed her time at school and how she'd aced a test that had been sprung on them as a surprise, whilst his mother began to discuss the fact that her friend had taken her grocery shopping that afternoon so there was no need to drag some unfortunate individual out of bed early on Saturday to go with her, and then his father went into details of a new business opportunity that had come up. It was like a standard, traditional nuclear family conversation, only solidified further when Seungkwan began to discuss his mix of work and relaxation on his day off. That had essentially served as a mode of comfort that snatched the fear of coming out from Hansol's mind until they eventually asked him if he wanted to talk about his own experiences.

"I'll just take the dishes through to the kitchen and get dessert before I tell the story, if that's okay," he told them as he stood and began to gather the plates, "I don't want to delay it for too long; Sofia's probably got school work to do and I don't want to keep everyone at the table for hours whilst I talk about my day." There was a hum of agreement around the table as they figured that it was okay to wait for a moment, and so the boys made their way straight to the kitchen. The dishes were placed in the sink, dessert bowls were gathered, and then Hansol finally lifted the cake up with both hands.

"Are you sure you're ready for this?" Seungkwan asked as he gazed lovingly at his boyfriend. It was clear that _he_ was ready to come out as being Hansol's boyfriend but the last thing he wanted to do was pressure a boy who already had a heart of glass. Although they'd spent so long planning it out and trying to perfect the plan, there was still the chance to back out. They could cut the cake so that there were no signs of his 'coming out' message, and then they could destroy the evidence together. They could simply leave it on the side in hopes that someone else would find it and they wouldn't have to tell anyone else directly. There were still so many options that they could take, even though it was so close already.  
"I'm ready."

With a deep breath, he started on his way into the dining room, his heart thudding hard in his chest. It was probably a mix of his fear of dropping the cake, and his fear that coming out would ruin his relationship with his family. As much as they seemed to be supportive up until that point, there was still no telling how they would react when he made it clear that he was attracted to boys. They could quite easily be okay with LGBT rights when there was a degree of separation between them, but having a son who was in love with his friend - his idol - was a completely different story. Perhaps it would even make it seem better for them to realise that Seungkwan had his heart; at least that way, they would know that he was interested in a boy who had goals and some level of success already, even if Seungkwan _was_ just like any other boy of their age.

He placed it down on the table with a confidence that quickly drained away as soon as they started to read it. He'd written it both in Korean and English, just so that they would be absolutely clear that he knew what he said. "Surprise, I'm gay! I'm also dating Seungkwan!" Suddenly, he was left reconsidering every single aspect of the cake - perhaps the rainbow writing was too much and the stars were an unnecessary touch that made it appear as if it was made by a child - but then he watched as their eyes flashed up to him.

_"'Surprise' is a bit of an exaggeration, isn't it?"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while since I decided to do a sequel for this (just over five months, actually) but it's finally here! I'm going to try to keep on top of this as much as possible, but please forgive me if it takes a little while - I'm only two weeks into the semester and university is already kicking my ass hard. I'm hoping to update at least once a week on Fridays and this time, there's no 3333 word limit(!!!)
> 
> The chapters are also undecided; there's a definite six, but then it'll probably end up having a new aspects worming into it; I'm starting to get more into extending plotlines now that I'm not as impatient to finish fics and get them out of the way. Saying that, though, I didn't want to start on a bad note with Hansol's family - who have spent a good amount of time in America and probably wouldn't hand him his ass for liking guys - not taking it well. From the interactions I've seen with them together, it doesn't seem like them to be disapproving of anything he wants to be, do or achieve in life.
> 
> Anyhoo, we'll see how this one works out and hopefully it'll develop pretty well overall!!
> 
> (One last note - I gifted this to ANALOG2 because they suggested it back five months ago. I'm not sure if you're still into this sort of thing, but thank you for the encouragement to explore this AU further. It's really stuck with me since <3)
> 
> Thank you for reading!! <3


	2. Chapter 2

The proposal for an ice cream date came as a surprise to Hansol but was nevertheless welcomed, regardless of how terrifying the prospect of having a public date was.

"Don't worry, my fans are all really good," Seungkwan promised when he suggested the idea, "They know my boundaries. I've said that I don't want to be harassed when I'm out with friends and so far, there's been no issues with that sort of thing."  
"What about the fansites?" Hansol asked nervously.  
"All of the creepy ones who used to follow me to school and when I was with my friends were all run off the internet by other fans. I swear, we don't have anything to worry about."

As wary as Hansol still felt about the entire situation, he figured that at least Seungkwan seemed confident in the fact that his fans would be nice and polite to them both. He wasn't expecting that anyone would try to get photos with him, and he'd never been asked to sign anything when he was out of the house. It was all about respect; they weren't the sort of people to swarm him because they understood that he wanted to grow up like anyone else and didn't want to live in fear of leaving the house on his own, in case he was bothered by complete strangers. He was only nineteen, after all, so there was still a lot of time left with him in the industry. Unless something major happened, he wasn't planning on quitting his job or leaving his agency for a long time. As a result, he was adamant that there was absolutely nothing to worry about at all. As long as they didn't kiss in public just yet, it wasn't going to be something that would cause any issues for either of them.

Besides, his company had his back. Seungkwan made sure to point that out as they were getting ready to leave his house together. They were completely happy with him having a relationship as long as it didn't start to affect his work or studies, and they were more than happy to make statements on his behalf if he needed them to do so. They weren't even the sort of statements that he would turn his nose up at either; it was always something that came from how they expected that he would feel on a particular situation and if in doubt, they would run it through with him first. Signing with a small company was probably the best decision he'd ever made when it came to his career; they were highly respectful of him as an idol, but also as a person. That was something that a lot of young idols didn't have. He'd seen a number of other young boys who had signed with the first company who would take them because they were concerned that no one else would want them, and the result was strict 'no relationships' rules, a constant need to be escorted absolutely everywhere, either the need to appear at every event to speak for themselves or an ambassador who would speak about them from the point of view of the company, and they would almost always end up with disrespectful fansites. There had been reports of much older girls sexualising younger male idols, sending them used tampons and clippings of their genital hair, taking photos of them when they were out with their parents or even in public restrooms, and it was something that caused a lot of stress for them.

Hansol hadn't really expected that it would be _that_ bad for young idols until Seungkwan had mentioned it. When he thought about it, though, perhaps it made sense. _Of course_ they were going to have some weird fans who took things way too far, treating them as if they were an animal at a zoo or something. It was an awful situation to be in, but it was the reality of the job when they didn't have the ground rules set out and a company who saw them as people. It just made him feel that bit more comfortable with Seungkwan's idol status. Not that he wasn't comfortable with it in the first place, but the horror stories were enough to concern any romantic partner, so it was a lot easier to swallow once it had been confirmed that he wasn't in the same boat as the boys who were constantly pressured by fans.

He continued to think about it as they started on their date, considering what he would probably do if he was in that situation. It was a hard one; he didn't think that he would be able to emotionally handle it, but he guessed that being an idol essentially meant sucking it up. They probably had it hit hard right at the start when they realised that idol life was very different to just being any regular person, but it was probably something that a lot of them got used to very quickly. After all, he supposed that they _had_ to get used to it very quickly; it was hardly as if they could have a year-long adjustment period. That wouldn't be suitable for any job, let alone one that required that they be in the public eye constantly.

"Is everything okay?" Seungkwan eventually asked him after they had been walking for ten minutes in complete silence. "I didn't scare you with those stories, did I? If you want, there are a lot of stories about how things are good. And you know, if you're with me a lot, you'll probably get to experience the good things too. There have been situations where idols' dogs have been invited on television shows, and parents are frequently invited to join their young sons and daughters at work." He paused for a moment to see if that was the sort of conversation that Hansol wanted and upon seeing his boyfriend's smile, Seungkwan instantly relaxed before getting back to his story. The positive side of idol life was something that did make Hansol feel a lot more comfortable if he was being honest. As scary as some of the harassment cases were, he guessed that the positive experiences were what made it the sort of life that people chose. It was something that seemed to be genuinely rewarding when his boyfriend started to describe the fact that he'd once looked tired at his pre-fan meet Vlive, and so he'd ended up with a fresh cup of coffee from around fifteen different fans. Some had even brought him orange and chocolate flavoured coffee; apparently, the beans had been infused with the flavours, which was incredibly impressive, as far as he was concerned.

Then there was the way that he'd received food parcels from fans when he first became an idol and was having to leave the house at six o'clock every morning and get back at around eleven at night. Within seconds, that story became Hansol's favourite. His boyfriend told him that his company got him three meals a day anyway, but the fans had been concerned that he wasn't getting suitable nutrition for a growing boy, so they got him bento-style lunches after one of them scoured every resource they could find until they found where he'd mentioned that he really enjoyed Japanese-style foods. They had also got him oranges that were grown in Jeju, near to where he grew up and had filled the boxes with nutritious drinks too. Then the breakfast and dinner packs started to come in, which had surprised him a lot. He hadn't expected that they would care that much for him, but it was something that he was incredibly grateful for. Whilst he couldn't eat all of the food that came in for him, it meant that his colleagues and associates could eat well too, and any food that they didn't manage to get through during the day was donated. Of course, the fans didn't even mind that he was doing that; at least it wasn't going to waste.

By the time they got to the ice cream parlour, Hansol had a strange sense of warmth in his chest. Although they had been friends for some time, he'd never really thought of asking those sorts of questions in case it was a bad topic for Seungkwan to talk about. He knew that a lot of people weren't all too fond of discussing their work during their free time, and he'd figured that a lot of it was probably confidential under his contract. But finding out about it all had been an experience that he honestly enjoyed; Seungkwan was more than happy to tell him about both the good and bad parts of his work, which was a great sign. It showed that he wasn't under that much pressure from his company to be overly secretive, and was generally a sign that he was in safe hands.

"Do you know what you'd like to order?" Seungkwan said to him right away, snapping him straight out of his thoughts again. Hansol gave an awkward laugh as he pointed out that they'd only just entered the shop and he'd not even had a chance to look at what they had to offer, nevermind pick something. It earned a smile and a light, playful shove from his boyfriend as he pointed out that sometimes people had their go-to ice cream and he knew exactly what he wanted without even having to look at the menu. That made Hansol pick up his pace relatively quickly; he got straight onto finding something that he wanted, eventually settling for raspberry sorbet. He toyed with the idea of adding some other fruit sorbet, like melon or strawberry, but quickly decided against it in favour of topping his current choice with a variety of different fruits, from blueberries to melon balls. Seungkwan, on the other hand, proudly informed him that that particular ice cream shop boasted the best nut ice cream around. There were a few scoops of chocolate and walnut ice cream with a selection of chopped nuts, fudge pieces and soft toffee on top, and it was probably the best ice cream he'd ever had.

Although it didn't change Hansol's mind, he did accept the spoonful of the ice cream that his boyfriend offered him as soon as they received their order and sat down with it. It was better than he'd expected; the nuts weren't as full-on as he'd anticipated, especially since there were a lot of them, and his preconception about either a slightly salty or bland flavour was debunked in an instant. It wasn't even as if the chocolate or sweet extras were the stars of the dessert either; the nuts completely lifted what could otherwise be considered a relatively basic ice cream right up. If anything, the ice cream tasted sweet with a nutty aftertaste. It made for a great combination and he could quickly see why his boyfriend liked it so much. His sorbet, on the other hand, was the perfect mix of sweetness and tartness, with a mix of different fruit flavours. Some were sweet, some more subtly flavoured, but it was clear that each one was specifically chosen to elevate the dessert. It was apparent from the start why it was Seungkwan's favourite ice cream parlour, and Hansol made a mental note right from the start to take Sofia there at some point in the future.

"So, when were you gonna tell me about that scholarship you've been offered for university next year?" Seungkwan asked as he dipped his spoon in and out of his ice cream a few times. Hansol immediately lit up as he realised that he'd completely forgotten to mention it, and quickly apologised for not mentioning it earlier.  
"I've been so busy working that I barely even registered that I got the offer," he confessed with a weak smile, "I was meant to tell you about it but..." He trailed off, guessing that his boyfriend already understood the situation. Although they had managed to plan his coming out meal together, they had had quite limited time together over the past few months. That had been one of the reasons why Hansol had put off accepting Seungkwan's requests for them to start dating, why he'd refrained from coming out to his family for so long despite knowing that they were probably going to support his feelings for Seungkwan, and probably around eighty percent of his overall stress at that point in time.

It had been a pain because he'd expected that being out of high school would give him some freedom to manage his social life better. The reality of the situation was that working to save up for his future university degree wasn't giving him much space to do anything, and he really wasn't handling it all as well as he thought he would. Taking a gap year was proving to be incredibly difficult, and he didn't really know why he took it to start with. It meant that most people on his course were going to be younger than him, too, and he would graduate a year older than most young people would. He didn't know whether it would affect his ability to find work later on, but at the time all he'd been concerned about was the fact that he would've been in education for seventeen years straight if he'd not taken that year out.

Thankfully, though, Seungkwan completely understood. He immediately offered a smile instead of getting irritated at him and slipped a hand across the table to run his fingers over Hansol's knuckle. "I get it, don't worry. I was just surprised when your mom called me to tell me about it, especially when I didn't hear anything about it from you afterwards. I thought maybe she'd overheard something and taken it the wrong way, though I was actually really hoping that you _did_ have a scholarship." It was a relief. Hansol had had the odd relationship in the past here and there - one official relationship and a handful of almost-relationships - and he knew that most of them would have been upset if he hadn't told them news like that right away. It was an immediate sign that they had a more mature relationship to the sort that he had come to know, and it was a huge comfort. Whilst it would still take some adjusting to get used to that sort of thing, it still came as something positive.

And so they began to discuss the scholarship. It was offered as a result of consistently high grades in school and excellent performance at his current job, and was an offer for a place in a performing arts and media university. "Are you going to suddenly take up acting and have me turning up with huge banners to cheer you on from the audience?" Seungkwan playfully asked, "I'm sure that I could find more ways to embarrass you if you want them." The suggestion was peppered with playfulness, leaving Hansol with the underlying feeling that perhaps his boyfriend was somewhat serious about his suggestion.  
"Uh, just music and dance, actually. No acting." He gave an embarrassed laugh but quickly followed it up by dipping his head low to hide the flattered smile that followed.

"Not confident in acting? I think you'd be good at it. Especially when you and Sofia dramatically act out movie scenes together." Hansol let out a groan of embarrassment and dipped his head down further. So his mom _had_ shown the videos to Seungkwan, even though she'd promised that they weren't going to be shown to any of his romantic partners. Although she swore she'd deleted them, he guessed that there were some home videos that she clung to and subsequently showed to his boyfriend on one of the many occasions where he simply turned up to their house whilst he wasn't there. It had been an increasingly common occurrence whenever they did have the opportunity to spend time together; Hansol's mom was almost always home, so she was more than happy to let Seungkwan in to either spend time with her or simply sit in Hansol's room to wait for him.

He guessed that it was best to change the subject as quickly as possible, as not to have to deal with that conversation anymore. "What about yourself, though? What have you been doing lately, other than working towards your comeback?" Seungkwan gave a thoughtful hum in response as he tried to figure out what he could talk about and what would be giving too much information. As much as they were close and he knew that he could trust Hansol not to give out information online that would ruin the surprise aspects of his work, he also knew that his boyfriend was just like any other fan. He didn't want the spoilers and was instead more than happy to see the teasers and music videos at the same time as everyone else. Of course, Seungkwan did mention to him when he was working towards a comeback so that he knew around a month before everyone else, and he would make sure that his boyfriend knew when the release times were so that he wouldn't miss the initial release but other than that, he didn't get any other information about it.

"I think the comeback is pretty much taking over at the moment," he confessed with a sigh, "We're in Busan next Friday, Uljin on Sunday, and I don't know how I'm going to keep up with my classes at this rate. They pick the worst year to have four comebacks, don't they? First year of university is the biggest for change and all - you'll find that out first-hand this year." Although obviously Seungkwan didn't mind so much that his company was pushing him to keep working hard, since obviously a lot of the younger idols were really bumping up their fan bases and more groups were popping up, it was still a lot of stress on him. He was expected to keep his grades high in order to maintain his contract, but he also had to keep his quality of performance high too.

Luckily, though, he wasn't expected to have live performances until after his exams. He was even going to be given a full month with a reduced schedule so that he could revise without worrying about having three days of dance practice and three days of vocal training each week, and then his comeback would come a few weeks later. That was when he could pick up the fan meets, events, television appearances, promotions and the sorts. Seungkwan guessed that he was lucky in that sense, even though it was a bit stressful for him to have to deal with everything that was going on around him. But many idols didn't have the privileges that he had, so he guessed that he should feel lucky.

They ended up going back to get a second bowl of ice cream each so that they could continue with their talk. It immediately shifted from work and school to personal lives so that at least it felt more like a date and less like a business catch up. Seungkwan told Hansol about a conversation that he'd overheard between his sisters, in which they were declaring war on each other for stealing the other person's clothes. One had gone into the other's bedroom to take her jumper, only to find that the other had taken one of her jumpers, so she took both her one and the one she wanted to wear back out of the wardrobe. It led to a back and forth cycle for a while until they eventually blamed each other for starting it and decided to make it into a mini-war between them both. He'd found it funny at the time, and figured that it was typical of them to behave in that sort of manner.

It led to a number of different topics. Hansol's mom had absolutely butchered an American dish and had to take an hour away from the family so that she could wallow in her self-pity and feelings that she was a failed American. Seungkwan's aunt brought him birthday presents and wished him a happy birthday "in a week", even though his birthday had passed three months ago. A girl from Hansol's workplace accused him of lying for attention when she overheard him telling his friends that he needed to rush back home because Seungkwan was waiting for him. One of Seungkwan's tutors had called him by his sister's name in the hallway, realised what he'd said, and promptly gave the most hilariously distraught face that he could've possibly imagined.

By the time they'd finished, it was well and truly a good time for both boys. As Seungkwan had promised, they hadn't been disturbed whatsoever by fans, and they had had the chance to chat with each other without much concern about Seungkwan's status as an idol. It was like any typical ice cream date that two people would enjoy, and it was better than simply being in the house the entire time. In fact, the only issue was that Hansol had to waddle out of the parlour, having stuffed himself with way too much sorbet. He hadn't anticipated how much he would eat, and had then decided that he could handle it when it actually got to it. He'd been very wrong and was left inflated, but it was very much worth it in the end.

They made their way back to Hansol's house, figuring that it was the best place to finish their date. It had started out at Seungkwan's house so it was only fair that they both had to travel separately at some point that day. In the quieter areas, Seungkwan would playfully reach over to touch his boyfriend's fingers, offering up a sweet smile as he did so. It was his way of trying to tempt Hansol to hold his hand, despite knowing that they weren't allowed to cause that sort of scandal before their relationship was announced. It was increasingly difficult for Hansol to resist, in the end, and he genuinely struggled not to intertwine their fingertips as they walked.

"I just wanted to see how you'd react," Seungkwan pointed out when they reached the front door. Hansol had pressed their fingertips together when they were close enough to the door that it didn't matter, and Seungkwan knew right away that it had come as a result of his teasing. His smile grew warm as they stared at each other, and so Hansol simply offered a smile back before opening up the front door. He toed his shoes off and started into the house, knowing full well that Seungkwan would follow him in. He essentially lived with them by that point anyway; although there were periods in which he wasn't there all that much, he was always welcome and Hansol's mom was even considering giving him his own key, since he was essentially part of the family.

That was when he felt a sudden tug on his wrist before he'd managed to move too far from the door. "Hey," Seungkwan said, his voice sounding slightly surprised. There was also a hint of something else in his tone, but Hansol struggled to pinpoint exactly what it was. Perhaps excitement, he figured.

"I know we can't do this outside or anything, but aren't we supposed to finish dates by kissing at the door?" 

Hansol couldn't help but break into a grin as he spun around and made his way right back over to where his boyfriend was standing so that he could press a gentle kiss to his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really really needed a cute chapter for this one to set everything in place so here it is!!
> 
> Sorry that it's massively late, though; going back to work after three months is absolutely exhausting, 0/10 would not recommend
> 
> Thank you for reading!! <3


	3. Chapter 3

Despite Hansol's countless requests to refrain from asking to talk with no context whatsoever, Seungkwan called him again with the same phrase spilling out of his lips right away. "We need to talk tonight, okay?" he said simply, and Hansol couldn't help but give a groan in response.

"Could you tell me what this is about please? I'm going to end up thinking about it all day otherwise and I can't afford to do that whilst I'm at work." He gently tapped his fingers against the table, quietly enough so that Seungkwan couldn't hear it but firmly enough that it dragged a bit of the anxiety off his chest. He'd already been feeling rather stressed about the fact that he was on break earlier than usual - not even halfway through his shift - but this just added a little bit more tension. Seungkwan simply gave an apologetic laugh as he told his boyfriend what he needed to know.

"I'm gonna be honest here; you're probably still going to end up thinking about it a lot regardless of whether I tell you or not. I just thought that it would be easier if you didn't know this time," he confessed, seemingly hoping that it would discourage Hansol from asking more questions. The issue, though, was that he'd already announced that there was something to talk about and so there was absolutely no going back from that point. He needed to know, and he needed to know right now.  
"Please just tell me."  
"The director of my agency wants to talk to us about the idea of coming out publicly tonight. He'd like to meet you."

Okay, so perhaps it wasn't the best idea for Hansol to find that out. He silently cursed himself, struggling more than anything to refrain from smashing his face against the table in frustration. As much as it probably wasn't as big of a deal as it felt, it still wasn't exactly his idea of a good evening. He finished work at five and Seungkwan informed him that they were due to meet the director at half-past six. That didn't really give him a lot of time to make himself presentable and mentally prepare for the meeting. It was something that he was going to have to try and plan out whilst he got on with his work so that he would be able to make time perfectly. He needed to have a shower, wear something moderately formal, and then make his way over so that he could feel moderately comfortable with the situation. Then there were the added extras that would probably make it easier on him - shaving, having a snack, and maybe breathing exercises - but there probably wasn't going to be enough time for that.

The conversation definitely stayed with him for the duration of the shift, annoyingly enough. He felt awkward about it, to say the least. He'd only just come out to his family and they had only recently decided to actually go ahead with a relationship, so it all seemed as if it was too soon and way too rushed, but he guessed that at least Seungkwan's directors were happy with the current situation between them. If they were okay with Seungkwan coming out to such a wide audience like that, then it suggested that they were supportive of them as a couple. And in turn, it would mean that things were a lot less awkward in the long-run. There would be none of the discomforts that inevitably came hand-in-hand with trying to sneak around in the background, and they wouldn't have to worry about all of the scandals that usually came alongside growing idols. There was almost always someone trying to claim that they were dating someone who was recently in the spotlight, just to add some more drama to the pot, so at least if that sort of situation came up, they would be able to shoot it down right away.

So ultimately, it had pros and cons. The worst part of it, though, was that Hansol would end up having to come out publicly too. If Seungkwan was announcing their relationship in its entirety, they would have to announce who his boyfriend was too. If he was just planning on leaving him nameless for the moment, however, there would almost certainly end up being someone who followed Seungkwan around in public in an attempt to get the first snapshot of him and his boyfriend to sell to the papers. It was something that they would almost certainly go overboard with too - any boy who happened to breathe within a metre radius of him would be assumed to be dating him, and so Hansol would probably be one of many boys who would end up being on the list of people to watch. That would mean that going in and out of Seungkwan's house would be nearly impossible, and there was a chance that his boyfriend coming over to his house would be difficult too. Yet, he guessed that if they thought it was best of him to come out, perhaps it was something that had to be done. As much as he didn't like the thought of it, Hansol simply had to suck it up.

The day dragged. There was nothing at work that could have possibly compared to it. Cleaning, dealing with customers, answering questions, wearing his customer service face despite his anxiety - it all amplified the situation and made Hansol feel even worse. He felt sick, if he was being completely honest. Every time the thoughts of that evening started to creep into his mind, he couldn't help but falter. No amount of pretending that it wasn't going to happen and pushing it to the back of his mind did anything to ease the panic. In fact, by the time he was set free to go home, his legs were working like machines and he had to consciously direct his attention to his limbs in order to push himself to get home safely without ending up in the road or something.

His family noticed right away that something was wrong. They didn't even have to ask him 'if' it was something, but instead asked 'what' it was, without missing a single beat. "I'm going to see Seungkwan's higher-ups tonight," he blurted out weakly, still trying to offer up a smile in the process. "I don't know what I'm going to do about it because I'd just... I'd rather not." Thankfully, they completely understood. His mom made sure to arrange a lift for him so that he didn't have to rush all the way over there, and Sofia began to pick out fresh clothes for him whilst he was in the shower. By the time he got back downstairs, his mom had made him a fruit snack tub to take with him, and so he was able to kill several birds with one stone.

Hansol was absolutely relieved to find that Seungkwan was already there waiting for him by the time he arrived. He was outside too, which made everything a lot less stressful. There was no need for him to start looking around in hopes of stumbling upon the right place. As soon as he got out of the taxi, his boyfriend was straight over to grab his hand and lead him inside, making sure to get him away from the front of the building before complimenting him on his appearance. It was just so that no one would connect the dots first, he said, although Hansol didn't really mind. They spent a few seconds flirting with each other ever so slightly - Hansol made sure to tell Seungkwan that even when he was sweaty and in his training clothes still, he looked perfect, and Seungkwan made a point of whispering into Hansol's ear that he looked handsome in a dress shirt. It successfully made him feel a lot calmer when they were invited into the room, and Hansol was able to introduce himself without passing out from fear.

The exchange was surprisingly short and sweet. The directors and producers made sure to ask about Hansol in general, taking notes about his hobbies, interests and aspirations, and eventually pointing out that Seungkwan mentioned his love for rap. Hansol could feel his cheeks starting to tingle with embarrassment as they suggested perhaps giving him an interview in the future, but he made sure to gracefully accept, as not to seem as if he was a bad choice of partners for Seungkwan. Once they had the basics, though, they moved straight on to the rundown of what they were going to do to promote their relationship.

It was something that they'd been considering for quite a while. Obviously, there was no way of announcing their relationship when it wasn't officially there, but Seungkwan had been talking about Hansol so much that they knew he wasn't just another friend. They knew Seungkwan well enough to realise that early on and made sure to ask him about it, and he confessed that he did have feelings for Hansol but there was nothing romantic between them just yet. But with the development of their relationship came the need to make it publicly available information. It would eventually prove to be a useful tool that would help both Seungkwan and the company itself in the long run. Firstly, it would show that the company was progressive; they knew that one of their idols was gay from early on and made sure to support him as much as possible. Secondly, it would reduce the chance of scandals; if they showed that they were happy for one of their idols to have a relationship and were open about that, they probably wouldn't have as many claims that random people were dating Seungkwan as he grew older.

And for Seungkwan, it would mean a number of advantages. He would be more likely to land interviews for a period afterwards, would be able to discuss relationships in a progressive manner, and would generally be able to be more open about his experiences with boys. As much as it was a stereotype more than anything else, he would be seen as being more gentle and sweet, which would win him more points with female fans, and there was a chance that it would make him internationally known. On top of that, there would be a few perks for Hansol too; there were chances that he would be able to go backstage to help out if he wanted to, and he would be cared for in VIP areas if he wanted to support Seungkwan. The company were willing to do anything to make sure that they felt supported in their relationship, and that it wasn't something that was hidden, as if Seungkwan was their cash cow and everything related to charity was kept quiet.

So it was arranged. Hansol thankfully didn't need to attend any interviews unless it was arranged well in advance, and he was assured that he would be paid for his time if it ended up happening. However, they did want permission to be able to discuss the relationship, show photos, and give a few little details about him. They weren't going to go too far and would always make sure to only show the photos that he approved of beforehand, so there was little that he had to worry about. At the very most, interviewers might try to contact him through Seungkwan, but it was more likely that they would go through his company instead.

The one issue, though, was that Hansol would have to receive training on how to be an idol's boyfriend in public. It was something that wasn't a big deal, but would essentially make his life a lot easier. In learning how to politely decline photos and videos, he would probably save himself a lot of hassle. Whilst Seungkwan's original fans probably weren't going to cause a fuss, news like this had the potential to drag in some of the creepy, inappropriate fans who actively tried to fetishise idols, especially gay idols. They had to be careful to avoid that sort of situation, and so they were more than happy to give him the basics on how to get out of that sort of situation if he was swarmed when alone, or how to keep up with the group if he was travelling with them. It was well-appreciated, as far as Hansol was concerned, and he couldn't think of anything that could have eased his anxiety better. It snatched away the little niggling feelings that bit at his chest whenever he thought about their first public appearance as a couple, and shot down every single one of them.

Then that was that. They said that they would give an update on when it was going to kick off, and so they went on their way again. Within a few days, the photos were arranged and Seungkwan announced that he was due to have an interview about his comeback in a few days. He knew right away that he was going to end up discussing their relationship, and so he made sure to get someone to record it for his boyfriend whilst he was at work, just so that he would be fully informed on everything that was said and the sort of information that he would probably be hit with when he went to work the following day.

The first message Hansol saw when he finished the shift was, "Go to this video when you get home and watch 13:48 to 24:14 first. I'm talking about us :)"

He'd be lying if he said that he didn't sprint home. The twenty minute walk turned into seven minutes, and he was left in a panting mess by the time he walked through the front door. His greetings to his family were quick and passing, and he had to promise that he would be back to talk to them shortly once he'd finished watching that part of the interview. He made his way through to his room, opened his laptop and prayed that it would load quickly so that he would be able to get to the video quicker. After what felt like hours, he finally clicked on the link and scrolled through to the point that Seungkwan had highlighted, before pressing the 'play' button and switching his headphones from his phone to his laptop.

_"So, are there any lucky girls in your life, Seungkwan?"  
"Actually," Seungkwan started with a slight smile, "The luckiest girl in my life is my boyfriend's little sister. I've heard that she's a huge fan and to start with, she used to swarm me every time I went to their house so that she could hear me reading to her or make dinner with me. She's actually used to the fact that I'm there a lot nowadays, although it took around a month or so for us to get to that point." The look on the interviewer's face was a picture. She glanced towards the camera for a moment, as if asking the people behind the scenes if they would give her some help, but after a moment she simply tried her hardest to compose herself and got straight back into the conversation as if nothing had happened._

_"Oh, you have a boyfriend? Is he an idol too? Perhaps one of the other boys from your company?"  
"He's not an idol, no. We actually met at a fan meet once - yes, it sometimes does happen like that - and we just sort of clicked right there. I think he would make a great idol, though. I won't say any more because I know it'll embarrass him if I give too much information, but yeah, I do think he would suit the profile well."  
"Do you have any other information about him? A name, maybe? Or a photograph? I'm sure our viewers would really be interested in finding out more about your boyfriend." Seungkwan couldn't help but laugh when he heard the question. From the look on his face, it was clear that he knew that he was getting exactly what he wanted from the conversation. The interviewer was essentially giving him all of the cards and allowing him to reveal all of the information that he'd been wanting to reveal, but in a way that was significantly more subtle than simply coming out and saying it in an organised press interview._

_"I might be able to give you that sort of information, if everyone promises not to start bombarding us now. I'm sure that everyone will still be as kind and as loving now that they've found out, but I have to be absolutely sure that we won't get harassed, you know. Because the last thing I want is for him to end up having problems at work and university because of it, okay?" The interviewer immediately made sure to address all of the viewers, reminding them that it would be inappropriate to suddenly start following Seungkwan or getting too close to him when he was with his boyfriend, and then promptly turned back to him with the sweetest smile possible. "Okay," Seungkwan continued, as if he'd suddenly been convinced by it and wasn't already planning to give all of the relevant information about their relationship. "His name is Chwe Hansol, he's absolutely handsome, and he's actually from America. Pretty cool, isn't it?" He immediately took out his phone and showed the lock screen - which had been specially chosen out for that interview in order to make them look like the most normal couple possible - and then the interviewer brought a mini camera close to the screen of his phone in order to show the audience the photo._

_"So that's your boyfriend? He's really cute." Seungkwan gave a hum of agreement.  
"Just like any boy of our age, though, he's a bit shy about his appearance. He doesn't realise that he's really handsome and I don't think he's going to realise it for a long time. Maybe we should work together to get him his own fans so that he'll understand how pretty he is!"_

Hansol could have strangled his boyfriend for some of the comments that were made, but at the same time he had a strange sense of relief running through his entire body. It was as if a huge weight had been lifted and was allowing him to run free. Although he hadn't been all too happy with the idea of coming out in an interview like that, he was indescribably happy that it had been slotted in so perfectly, with the directors choosing out a particular interviewer who was notorious for asking young idols if they were in relationships. She wasn't the sort of person to discriminate in that sort of sense, and almost always made the teenage boys embarrassed with that talk. Yet, she rarely had anyone who confessed to being in a relationship, and Seungkwan was the first person who had ever gone to her with the confession of a same-sex relationship. It was a turning point, and was probably going to benefit her as an interviewer, as well as Seungkwan himself. By showing that she was tolerable and happy to discuss non-typical idol relationships like that - even with the slight slip up as she was caught off-guard by the confession - she was probably going to end up having more idols come out to her.

Hopefully, it was going to be the starting point for a number of idols. Seungkwan had already pointed out that he knew a number of gay or bisexual male idols, and it wasn't quite as rare as everyone made it out to be. Some of the fanfiction that he'd seen online was actually relatively accurate to a degree, in how a number of male idols seemed to think that they simply had an appreciation for the other boys in their groups and would gradually come to realise that it was closer to love than simply appreciating them. Now that they knew that they could safely reveal that sort of information without the fear of being judged, though, it was likely to become more and more common for male idols to be open about that sort of thing. Seungkwan was essentially going to be the revolutionary point in that sort of sense, as far as Hansol was concerned.

He was still praying that it wouldn't come back to bite them once it was all out, but he did have an underlying sense that it would be absolutely fine in the end. After all, Seungkwan's company wouldn't have allowed him to come out like that if they thought that it would hurt him, and so Hansol simply had to trust that everything would work out well in the end. Perhaps it would be difficult to start with, but he guessed that it would be a lot easier once everyone was used to the fact that Seungkwan was neither straight nor available.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew!! I wasn't sure if I'd be able to get this one out tonight because I'm absolutely exhausted from work after three eight-hour shifts back to back, but it's all good and it's all out!! I'm feeling that this chapter opens up some space for further chapters too, which is good!!
> 
> Thank you for reading!! <3


	4. Chapter 4

Coming out publicly turned out to be a much bigger event than Hansol had originally anticipated. For starters, the newspapers were filled with articles on it right away, as if it was the biggest national news or something. It wasn't seen as a scandal as such, but it was a huge event and news companies were labelling Seungkwan as the "first male idol to come out as gay during an interview". Hansol was almost certain that other idols had come out before him - after all homosexuality wasn't exactly something new, and there were plenty of idols who had come out at some point, so surely one of them must have done so during an interview in the past - but Seungkwan's company seemed satisfied with the new label so they weren't prepared to argue against it. Each article, both online and offline, tried to give a number of "exclusive" details about them both, along with theories about their relationship and when they'd first met, and naturally someone had already caught on to the fact that they'd met at the specific fanmeet that they had done rather quickly.

The photos from that fanmeet were plastered everywhere. A few fans had taken photos of Seungkwan and Hansol interacting when Hansol had his little moment at the front of the room, just so that they could show their Twitter and Tumblr accounts that their idol was the best for taking care of a fan like that. It was to be expected, really; in a world where proving the reasons for loving a particular idol were necessary in order to increase a fanbase, it was a given that someone would end up using that example to promote Seungkwan. Yet, it had taken a bit of a turn once it had come out that they were dating. One of the people who had taken a photo of them together ended up selling those photos to the media, having realised very early on that they were photos of the couple's first real interaction. It wasn't long before there was speculation about how long they'd actually been together, and whether they'd put it on as a stunt at the fanmeet. Were they already dating before that and just wanted to ease Seungkwan's fans into the idea that he was attracted to other men? Or did fans genuinely get to see their first moment together, before everything started to develop into a proper relationship?

Of course, it had also made it to Hansol's workplace before he got there too. He walked in to see the tell-tale signs that his colleagues had been talking about him. When he entered the building, they were gathered around the counter chatting. As soon as he was in their field of vision, though, they immediately scattered without another word and the only one who was left on the shop floor immediately put on an exaggerated smile as he greeted Hansol. The greeting came out in a way that sounded exaggerated, as if he was trying his hardest to sound cheery and enthusiastic. Hansol knew him well enough to know that he was putting it on, but he refrained from bringing that up. The last thing he wanted was to have to explain himself in front of everyone else. He'd already mentioned that he was good friends with an idol beforehand - as was requested by Seungkwan himself - so it shouldn't have been that much of a surprise for them to find out that they were seeing each other in a romantic sense. It wasn't even as if it was a big deal either, as far as he was concerned.

Just as expected, he ended up getting a flurry of questions during the day once his colleagues started to get more comfortable with their curiosity. What started out as a few tester questions, just to check whether he was comfortable with discussing it, quickly turned into what seemed to be a Q&A session. How did it feel to be on the news? Did he expect that Seungkwan would discuss their relationship like that? Had they kissed yet? Were they thinking of making things permanent or was marriage off the table for an idol? He didn't know how to answer half of the questions but still tried to do so to the best of his ability. The last thing he really needed was to have to answer them but then again, Seungkwan's company had suggested being relatively open with the people he was close to in order to reduce rumours. If he was to keep things away from journalists, it would be fair enough because they would be able to shut down the rumours and potentially sue for damages to personal image if something were to come up. When it was an individual who they knew personally, however, it sometimes got a bit trickier to deal with. They needed to be careful around those people, since sometimes they felt more inclined to tell the world about everything to do with an idol's relationship. It wasn't always the best, since the media often ended up finding out about intimate little details like their first kiss but then again, it was much better to confess to having shared their first kiss than have rumours going around that Seungkwan was intentionally trying to put their first kiss off every time they got to the topic.

In all honesty, the rules and suggestions that they were giving him seemed to be a little conflicting. Be open about the relationship but be wary of the fact that little slip-ups might end up on the news. Don't be afraid to hold Seungkwan's hand in public but don't be too cuddly either. Try to cover up as best as possible so that the reporters didn't know that it was them, but also ensure that there are little tell-tale signs that it's them so that they could get all of the "celebrity couple sighting" articles out of the way as soon as possible. He supposed that it would probably be easier when he got to it, but it all seemed muddled and messy. Now that they were officially out to the public and were at the centre of attention, he didn't really know how he felt about it anymore. Perhaps it was better in a sense, since they didn't need to try and hide anymore and it wasn't like there would be any dating rumours for he and Seungkwan to have to deal with, but he still wasn't all that sure of what to expect, even if they were encouraged to just act as they normally did.

That involved going on dates, too. It was something that Hansol wasn't all too sure about to start with, given that it took a lot of planning with the company, but he guessed that at least it was going to get a lot of the rumours out of the way in one go. He wasn't in work that weekend and the company were giving Seungkwan the Saturday off so that they could spend time together properly. It would be their first official public appearance and Hansol was warned that there was a chance that it would lead to them getting requests for interviews as soon as the papers had photos of them together. He supposed that it would be okay really; the company were going to request that they pay Hansol for the inconvenience of having to take time off work in order to attend the interviews if that was the case, and any disrespectful questions would be punished as soon as it was over. They were determined to make a good image for the couple and ensure that they were respected as much as Seungkwan was respected before they came out. It was the line that was drawn, and one that wasn't going to be crossed for any reason at all.

The plan was to go to a funfair and spend time together there. It would be something sweet and romantic, and wasn't likely to be too packed at that point in time. Of course, Saturdays were a little busier than any other day of the week, but it was still outside of the funfair's peak months so they probably wouldn't have any hassle still. Before they went, though, the company were going to get one of Seungkwan's stylists to go to Hansol's house and make him look perfect, just so that all of the images from their first appearance were stunning. It would prove to the public that attractive couples didn't always need to be heterosexual, and it would also ensure that Hansol's discomforts with his appearance would be addressed beforehand so that he wouldn't need to be self-conscious about his appearance when they were out together. The whole idea was to be natural and to genuinely enjoy themselves, so the company was hoping to help them to be just like any other non-idol couple on a date.

Hansol couldn't really say that he was excited, though. As much as it was great to be able to spend time with his boyfriend in public without having to be careful about how romantic they were being, he knew right from the start that he was going to struggle. The stylist was an absolute blessing when she arrived at his house, making sure to pick out the best possible clothing for him from his wardrobe and her case of clothes, and then promptly did what she could to make him look presentable. His hairstyle was changed to flatter his face better, and then she promptly sorted out his makeup so that he didn't have to worry about his acne scars. She even ensured that his braces looked perfect - they still looked rather awkward and clunky but she was hardly going to tell him to get them removed, especially since he was so close to getting them taken off anyway. He would simply have his retainers in around three or so months, and she informed him that it would probably be a lot more comfortable for him in an instant. It was one less thing to be conscious about, and that was a good thing.

Admittedly, he did feel a little bit better by the time he left the house and started on his way towards where Seungkwan was due to meet him. His confidence still wasn't great, but it was better than it had been. He was less concerned about his hair and face, and had simply decided that the best way forward with his braces was to simply keep his mouth shut. At least that way, he didn't need to worry himself about the sorts of things that would arise as a result of seeing inside his mouth. It was probably his biggest fear, and it was one that he could hardly avoid whilst he still looked like an awkward teenager. His legs felt like jelly as he walked, only shaking more and more with every step. There was no way to make them feel any better, so he simply accepted it as it was and continued trying to push his way forward. Step after step, eyes on the ground, and then eventually he managed to find his way to his boyfriend's side.

That was a huge comfort. It had the power to change everything in an instant. Less worry about the fact that they were being seen in public together, less worries about the people who were around them. Hansol was aware of the fact that the area they'd chosen to meet in was hardly private, but he was relieved to see that it was mostly filled with older people who didn't exactly pay attention to them in the slightest. They felt normal for a moment; Seungkwan happily greeted him with a hug and then took his hand in his own, and then they started on their way towards the funfair as they began to discuss everything that had happened to them since they spoke the evening before. It was a regular relationship once again, and Hansol couldn't help but feel happier knowing that they'd started it off well.

Yet, it was only a matter of time before they saw journalists creeping around. They'd barely made it to the funfair by that point and all of Hansol's instincts were telling him to retract his hand as quickly as possible in order to spare his boyfriend's reputation but instead of allowing him to do so, Seungkwan simply gripped his hand tighter. "Don't worry about them. Worry about us. We're gonna go on one of the spinning rides and you're gonna be shaken around so much that you vomit."

As much as he didn't want to, Hansol couldn't help but break into a smile. He couldn't help it; the thought of being thrown around with his boyfriend and left dizzy afterwards was an appealing thought, whether they were being followed or not. Yet, there was one slight issue with the thought of it. "Wouldn't it ruin our image if I was to bring up my breakfast on the first ride, though?" he asked, as if he actually cared about that sort of thing. He would _usually_ be concerned about that, but he knew that Seungkwan had a much weaker stomach than he did anyway, so it was either going to be both of them being sick or just his boyfriend.  
"Screw them," Seungkwan pointed out as he grinned at him, "It's not our problem. If they have a photo of us being sick afterwards, I'm asking for a copy so that I can frame it and add it to my mom's photo collection."

The thought tickled Hansol enough for him to be able to push the negative thoughts of their date to the back of his mind. He dropped his head slightly to hide the grin that was cultivated on his face, but still made sure to give his nod of approval in order to be led straight to his fate. Seungkwan suddenly seemed thrilled as he squeezed his boyfriend's hand and made a beeline straight for the more intense rides, and it was clear that they were as excited as each other to share that sort of experience. Hansol was certain that Seungkwan's stylists wouldn't be so enthusiastic when they saw that they were already planning on ruining all of the effort that was put into perfecting their appearances that morning, but for the moment he didn't care at all. He could feel the buzz of excitement in his chest as they waited for their turn on the ride, and then the sudden spike of adrenaline as they waited for it to start.

In an instant, they were thrown around on the ride as if they were completely weightless. Hansol could feel his boyfriend gripping his hand tighter as he squeezed his eyes shut and tried his hardest to avoid letting out any noise at all. He couldn't help but laugh in response; partially as a nod towards the fun that he was having, but mostly because his boyfriend was absolutely ridiculous on rides. He always acted as if he could handle them perfectly fine - as if they were no problem whatsoever - but then always ended up looking as if he was a child's ragdoll when it came to it. Then he would come off the ride, only to act as if it was no big deal at all. "That was fine," he would announce, as if he hadn't been absolutely terrified in the moment. "I'm surprised you didn't get sick from it, though. You looked like you were going to." Hansol would simply roll his eyes and give Seungkwan a nudge with his elbow in response. There was no way that he would've been able to tell whether Hansol was about to get sick when his eyelids were essentially retracting back into his skull, but he wasn't going to point that out.

It was a recurring theme throughout the day. Seungkwan made sure to paint himself in a light that didn't make him look all too scared, but also insisted that they should go on the biggest rides available. By the time they hit their lunch break, he was clearly not feeling all too well as a result of the constant movement, but he tried his hardest to seem as if everything was fine. "Do you thing carbonated drinks are _really_ a good idea when you look like you'll be going green in a minute?" Hansol asked him, only to receive a scoff in response.   
"I'm completely fine and I can handle it. Soda is fine with me. Unless you want to get water or something." Hansol simply raised an eyebrow slightly, questioning whether his boyfriend was absolutely serious, before taking him over to the counter to place their order. They were going a little bit overboard with the food in an attempt to help Seungkwan to feel a bit better again. It was more likely to be that he'd undereaten before they left for the date, in an attempt to avoid bringing it all back up again, and had also refrained from drinking too much too. He was hungry and dehydrated, and it wasn't exactly the greatest combination for good health.

They ended up sharing it at a table together, not even caring that the journalists were clearly still nearby. They did an awful job at trying to hide in the background and were rarely subtle about the fact that they were taking photos, but Seungkwan ensured that he was maintaining eye contact with Hansol the entire time, in hopes that it would discourage looking around for where the cameras were. He wanted it to still feel like a proper date, even if they _were_ in the public eye at the moment. It was inevitable that they were going to get followed for their first date since he came out, but it didn't have to mean that they had to shy away. Seungkwan picked up one of the fries from the plate in front of them and held it out for Hansol to eat, before promptly leaning in closer as soon as it was in his mouth. "I want to kiss you," he said with a shy smile; one that Hansol hadn't really seen on his face before. Seungkwan was usually a relatively confident person and it didn't really fit him to seem so nervous about something as simple as a kiss, but Hansol was hardly going to complain about it. Unfitting didn't mean that it wasn't adorable, and he honestly did think that it was sweet regardless.

"You can kiss me if you want," he said, reaching across the table to touch the back of Seungkwan's hand. "I don't know how your company would take it if there were photos of us kissing plastered around on the news but if you think that it would be worth the risk, I think we should go for it. It's hard getting that first public kiss out of the way as it is, so I guess it's better that we get it out of the way early." Seungkwan appeared to think about it for a moment. His gaze dropped to his fingers, which he was fiddling with just in front of the food, and then he took a fry for himself in order to buy more time to think.  
"Do you think it's a good idea? Obviously it's gonna look like I'm leading it because I'm gonna lean in first and all, so you don't have to worry about news companies trying to suggest that you're searching for your fifteen minutes of fame by kissing me in front of reporters, but..." He trailed off for a moment as he considered it some more. "Hansol, I think it's fine. We're young adults, after all. Any other boys of our age would be fine with sharing their first kiss like this after annoucing their relationship. And if it does raise any issues with a suspicion of a scandal, I'll deal with it. Now, are you completely comfortable with me kissing you like this?"

He nodded. As much as it was an arguably terrifying idea to be kissing in front of other people like that - especially since their parents would probably end up seeing it and they'd not seen him and Seungkwan kissing yet - he did feel that it had to happen at some point. And it was best to just get it out there before any rumours could arise about their relationship. Everyone knew that they were going to kiss at some point, and it was hardly like it was going to be a big deal when they'd already shared a number of them in the past. Seungkwan suddenly grew even more withdrawn for a second, his cheeks flushing from nerves, and then he promptly took the plunge all in one go so that there was limited time to reconsider his options. First, he took Hansol's cheek into his hand, then he leaned across the table and joined their lips in the sweetest, most chaste kiss that he could have done. It was held for just a few seconds before he drew back; his cheeks had darkened further in the few seconds since their mouths had met, and Hansol could tell that he was already feeling the scandal that was arising.

And he wanted nothing more than to kiss him again.

Hansol refrained from doing so, as not to give the journalists something else to take from the exchange, but he made sure to confess his urge to his boyfriend. It left Seungkwan even more embarrassed - uncharacteristically so - and he promptly covered his face in his hands as he pointed out that kissing in public was something that he really wasn't used to. It wasn't something that he thought he was _ever_ going to get used to, especially when he knew that people had been watching them. That was what had caused his sudden surge of nerves, and he just hoped that as the novelty drained away, he would feel a lot better about it.

The rest of the day was ultimately spent on rides and attractions that were a lot calmer. They needed that bit of a cooldown after the morning's rides, and also needed that bit of time to prepare for the headlines that were going to be splashed across the front of magazines and newspapers by the time they hit the morning.

"Idol Boo Seungkwan Seen Kissing Boyfriend in Funfair.  
The couple were seen on a romantic date in a funfair just outside of Seoul on Saturday morning. They did as any other young couple would do - going on rides, visiting the petting zoo, and sharing lunch together. During their lunch rest, they were caught exchanging a shy kiss before continuing with their date. This is the first time that Seungkwan and boyfriend Chwe Hansol have been seen in public since the idol came out in an interview with Park Hayoon last week."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, it's been a while since I last updated!! Between being ill, working, and desperately scraping together participants for my dissertation, it's been a huge huge struggle to keep up with fics!! But it's out now and I'm hoping to get back into the swing of it now that everything is starting to clear up again~
> 
> Thank you for your patience <3


	5. Chapter 5

Whilst obviously Seungkwan's managers had mentioned the prospect of Hansol getting perks for being his boyfriend, he hadn't really expected that anything would come of it. After all, he was more than willing to pay to see his own boyfriend, and he was sure as hell going to work hard in order to get tickets for him and his sister to continue going to the idol's concerts.

It had come as a bit of a surprise, as a result, when he received two tickets to Seungkwan's comeback stage in the post one afternoon. It had been left on his bed for when he arrived back from work, and he'd been incredibly curious about it since he hadn't really been expecting mail. Even though he was an adult already, he still didn't receive that much mail - not even junk letters from various different companies who were trying to win him over as a customer. It was only ever serious things that he needed to deal with, like messages from his bank, credit card bills, his payslip, and the sorts. And even then, those letters were obvious. They had the company's logo somewhere on the envelope so that he would know exactly who was trying to contact him.

This one, though, was completely plain. It simply had his full name and address on it, and it left him feeling a bit nervous as he ripped open the seal. Yet, that bit of nervousness completely washed away when he realised exactly what it was. It had come with a letter, stating that the second ticket was for Sofia if she wanted to come along. They weren't going to make her pay for it when she was essentially Seungkwan's sister-in-law. That bit made Hansol's cheeks tingle. It was as if they were trying to marry him and Seungkwan off to each other already. Whilst he didn't really have any complaints about the prospect of marrying his boyfriend in the future - after all, he'd decided that he wanted to have a family when he was more financially stable and their existing relationship naturally made Seungkwan a part of that vision - but it just seemed too early to go down that route just yet. He didn't want to have to consider making their relationship more mature like that when they'd only been together for a short amount of time. Sure, they'd been talking for a while and had certainly grown very close, so it wasn't as if they were still building the foundations when that phrase was used to describe where they were, but it was still somewhat uncomfortable.

He decided to brush it to the side, as not to worry himself about it. It was probably something completely innocent, and it didn't require that he start to get worried about the choice of wording. Hansol simply snatched up the tickets and made his way through to his sister's room, where he gave two quick knocks and promptly entered. She glanced up from her textbook, not really knowing what to make of the fact that he'd entered her room so eagerly, but as soon as she spotted the tickets, her face broke into the biggest grin he'd seen. "They're not supposed to be on sale for another two days, you know. Was that what arrived for you today?" Hansol gave a nod and made his way in so that she could take a proper look at the tickets. For a moment, Sofia was completely silent as she ran her fingertips over the text, but her eyes promptly snapped back to her brother's face after a few seconds. This time, they were even brighter, as if she'd uncovered something completely new. "You know these are VIP tickets, right? It means that we'll be able to go backstage. It's a pretty big deal at these sorts of events - there'll be other idols around too, and we won't have to feel awkward about talking with them because obviously you're dating Seungkwan so we can see him whenever we want."

It was typical of her. Hansol couldn't help but playfully roll his eyes as he gave her a nudge. "We're there to show my boyfriend support and you're considering sneaking off to admire other idols, really?"  
"Well, I can hardly sit there and stare at _him_ like I used to, can I? He's dating you, for starters, and even if he did become single one day, I have absolutely no chance in the world when he's exclusively into guys. If other idols know that I'm the sister of an idol's boyfriend, maybe they'll think that I'm worth their time. You can't really be one of those typical fangirls when you're around one of your favourite idols all the time..." She continued to chat excitedly about some of the other idols that she was hoping to see at the event; those who had also had comebacks lately and were going to be having showcases in order to give the era the great send-off that it deserved. Hansol couldn't help but smile as he listened to her excited babbling, making sure to wait until she'd managed to get it all out of her system before taking his leave. He needed to talk to Seungkwan about the event, he told her, and so he was going to let her get back to studying. It wasn't going to happen, Sofia pointed out; she had to research the other idols who were going be at the event.

That was a good enough sign for Hansol. She was going to be busy anyway, so he made his way out of the room and went back to his own. He made sure to check the time, since he knew that his boyfriend would be in vocal training until around nine-thirty that night. It was barely even eight o'clock, just as expected. He'd only finished work at seven, so it was hardly a surprise, but it was also a bit of a disappointment. Time only went fast when he _didn't_ have something to tell his boyfriend, so it was probably going to end up dragging until he got out of his training.

In the end, Hansol found that it was painfully difficult to wait. He'd resorted to doing just about anything to pass the time until Seungkwan was free. they would probably end up having a phone conversation together on his way home, since he wasn't all that fond of walking home on his own but insisted on not having any members of staff to escort him to and from his house. It was just a bit too much, he'd decided. Besides, the walk home was his time to calm down and it still felt as if he was working if he had any of his staff with him. It was something that he wanted to avoid as much as possible whilst he was busy a lot of the time, so it only made sense for him to have that little bit of freedom to chat to Hansol. The wait had mostly consisted of idle tasks; eating dinner painfully slowly, washing up all of the dirty dishes in the house, tidying his bedroom, taking a shower, checking through every social media app he had on his phone, checking his emails for the twentieth time. Nothing particularly interesting so that he would be able to drop it all easily enough when his boyfriend _did_ become available again.

Then his phone rang. Hansol essentially threw himself at his bed so that he could pick up the call, knowing right away that it would be Seungkwan. He'd assigned a special ringtone for his boyfriend so that he would be able to know whether he needed to pick up the call, and so there was no need to even check the caller identification before sliding the green 'answer call' button across the screen. "Seungkwan, how was training today?" he asked right off the bat, and he was instantly faced with the cheery but tired laugh of his boyfriend.  
"Just the usual. You probably guessed that without me needing to tell you, though. Apparently I'm getting better at hitting high notes and there's a lot less vocal strain when I'm performing now, but I can't really hear it that much. How was work today?" Hansol made sure to keep the explanation short and sweet on his end, just as Seungkwan had done. Before he'd arrived home, he'd had a number of little stories to tell about how much he wanted to take his colleague out for being a lazy snob as always, but that could always wait for another time. There were other conversations that were more important at that point in time, after all.

"Did you know anything about the tickets that were delivered to my house today, by the way?" he asked straight away once he'd gotten the details of his day out of the way. To start with, there was complete silence on the other end of the phone, but then he heard a quiet hum come from his boyfriend's side of the phone.  
"Well, I didn't hear anything about it specifically but I was asked what your address was the other day. Did you get some for the comeback stage or something then?" Hansol couldn't help but roll his eyes. Surely that much was obvious; after all, he was hardly going to bring up random tickets for another event that hadn't been planned yet. He gave a laugh as he ran a hand through his hair, and then promptly adjusted his position so that he was laid on his back.

"I wouldn't bring them up if it wasn't for one of your performances. I thought that maybe you'd arranged it or something because I'd not given my address out to anyone in your company, but I'm hardly complaining. I'm excited to see you on the stage again." The response was an embarrassed little noise, as if Seungkwan didn't already know that his boyfriend enjoyed watching him on stage, followed by a nervous laugh.  
"I don't know how you're gonna like this one, though. It's a bit different to what I've been doing lately."  
"What sort of style are you going for this time?"  
"Mature. Slightly grungy. I'll be in all black. Tight leather, a sleeveless shirt, studs..."

Hansol couldn't help but grin at the thought of it. Admittedly, he _did_ prefer to see his boyfriend in softer, cuter clothing styles, but this one made a nice change after so many albums with sweeter vibes. It was something that he'd wanted to see his boyfriend doing for a long time, but obviously it was never really his place to give suggestions for his album aesthetics. "The tickets came with VIP access. Does that mean I get to see you up close in leather?"  
"You can see me up close in leather whenever you want." Seungkwan's voice sounded surprisingly deep as he replied, as if he was trying to stay quiet as he snapped back with that response. That sort of talk wasn't exactly common in their relationship and wasn't all that acceptable for him to be saying in public either. As much as it was risky talk, though, Hansol had to admit that he appreciated it a lot. It was rather sexy to hear his boyfriend slipping that sort of comment in his suggestion, although he wouldn't really admit that out loud.

"Are we coming into your dressing room or something?" he continued, though, as if it wasn't something completely new for them to bring up. It was an innocent comment with a suggestive flair, and he could tell that his boyfriend was getting embarrassed by it right away.  
"'We'? Are you suggesting that we invite someone else into this affair or something?"  
"I got two tickets; one for me and one for Sofia." So it had killed the slightly suggestive nature of the conversation, but at least Seungkwan knew right away. His voice immediately perked up as he heard it, though, showing that he wasn't bothered by the fact that it wasn't going to be just the two of them when Hansol's sister was around.

"Oh, that's good. I was worried that they were going to be cheap and only give you tickets when Sofia was there to encourage you when we first met." He seemed to think about it for a moment; the way he'd stopped suggested that he wasn't quite finished with what he wanted to say, and so Hansol waited for some sort of continuation. "I wonder if they'll get her a hotel room or something," he finally continued, and Hansol couldn't help but hesitate for a moment.  
"A hotel room? What for?"  
"It _is_ supposed to be around two hours away from where you live. Usually, they'd invite you to come and stay with me in the hotel - at least, that's what I've heard from some of the other artists who are in relationships. I think they'd let us share a hotel room, though, but they can't really make a teenage girl share a room with two guys, even if she _is_ your little sister."

Hansol hadn't really thought about it like that. He'd always expected that they would finish the event and would them make their way home. After all, Seungkwan usually stayed around in a nearby hotel so that he would be able to attend promotional events in the morning. It made sense not to send him all the way home in that case, since it would be a huge waste of time for the company and he'd probably need to be out of bed in the early hours of the morning in order to get there on time. Yet, Hansol wouldn't necessarily need to attend any events in the morning, especially if he was to ask his managers for the following day off in order to recover from the late finish. He could quite easily head back to his own home and it would save the company a great deal of money.

"I'm sure we can go home," he pointed out to Seungkwan, "It's not a big deal if we stay. I'm more than happy to call you when I get home or something so that you don't feel lonely, and I'm sure Sofia would be o--"  
"I want you to stay, Hansol. I've been thinking about it, and we've not really spent proper time as a couple, you know. It sounds really stupid, but we're always around other people; friends, family, managers, or even the public. I want a night with you away from all of that. Some time alone that we can enjoy together."

The way he said it was suggestive again. It didn't sound as if it was just going to be a night where they relaxed in a hotel room together. Hansol didn't know where that feeling was coming from, but it left a tingle running up his spine. Whilst he would have usually said that he wasn't ready to take those sorts of steps in a relationship within the first few months, this relationship certainly felt different in that sort of sense. There was no fear when it came to the thought of exploring those suggestive ideas. It was something that they could probably toy with in a guilt-free manner. "Perhaps Sofia would need to go home instead, then," he pointed out, making sure to keep his voice low to show his boyfriend that he knew exactly what cards were being placed on the table.  
"She's almost thirteen; she'd be fine in her own room. I doubt anyone is gonna be going through to her room or anything."  
"She'll probably have school in the morning anyway. And I don't know whether she's mature enough to be alone. Especially if she comes knocking to find out where I am and I'm not there because I'm with you, and--"

"Hansol, relax." Seungkwan's voice sounded particularly smooth. He knew that his boyfriend was simply starting to panic because he'd thought about what they'd silently - mutually - agreed to do together. He was misplacing his worries about that and seeing them as a concern for his sister's safety. Of course, he was worried about her to a degree, but it wasn't because of something silly like her not being able to stay in a room on her own. She'd stayed in their house for a weekend on her own before, whilst their parents went away and Hansol was at work a lot of the time. She was good enough at cooking to stay alive for almost three days with minimal supervision, so she could sleep in a hotel room on her own for one night.

"I think we both know what's gonna happen and if you're not ready to take that step, it's completely fine. No need to get worried about it like this. We can put it off and wait for a couple of months or something. I'm not worried about waiting; it might even be for the best for both of us."  
"No wait," Hansol started, but he promptly stopped as he realised that he didn't really know what to say next. He wanted to tell his boyfriend that he was more than happy to go ahead with it; that he trusted that his sister would be fine and it wouldn't be a huge issue. Perhaps he'd overreacted and tried to push the idea to the side when it wasn't as big of a deal as he was making it out to be. Of course, he did have his reasons for being nervous about that sort of thing, but he didn't really want to let his boyfriend know that. It wasn't _that_ big of a deal, and surely it wasn't going to affect anything. He just needed to keep it in the back of his mind. "I think I'd like to give it a shot. I just need a bit of time to mentally prepare myself. Does that make sense?"

It was certainly better than straight-out telling Seungkwan that he didn't want to do that. He made sure to add that he'd never really had an intimate relationship before, in hopes that it would help him to realise that it wasn't supposed to be anything personal, and he immediately heard a sigh of relief on the other end of the phone.  
"Me neither. I guess we can figure that out together."

That was the end of that conversation, though. Hansol made sure to move it on as quickly as possible so that he didn't need to feel worried about the topic of conversation anymore. There were so many different thoughts pushing their way into his mind as soon as it came up. What would Seungkwan's company think if they found out that they messed around in the hotel room together? Would it mean that Seungkwan would get in trouble? Would Hansol be seen as a bad influence on him? Would it mean that they were unable to share a hotel room together again? Would simply being seen going into a hotel room together lead to another scandal coming out? He didn't really know, but he certainly didn't want to have to feel anxious about it. It was something that was going to leave him having nightmares if he let it, so he made sure to move as far away from those thoughts as possible, whilst still staying on a related topic, in hopes that they would go away for a while. Perhaps they would only be gone for a little while and he would be forced to face them properly when the phone call was over, but it was a start at the very least.

"So, are you going to be performing with anyone in this album?" he asked his boyfriend, only to receive a little laugh in response.  
"They were gonna get me a female rapper before we came out. It was supposed to be something about growing up and emerging feelings towards wanting to find love, but obviously that's not gonna fool anyone anymore. Instead, it's gonna be solo this time, although there's a few people lined up for the next one. We're gonna see who's best for that sort of thing and whose voice is gonna match mine well enough."  
"Are you gonna tell me who those people are?"  
"It's a secret. But if it makes you feel any better, I'm trying to convince them to give you a shot too."

Hansol found himself rolling his eyes again. They both knew that it wasn't going to happen. He couldn't really be seen working with his boyfriend in that sort of way. Even if he _wasn't_ going to be working with Seungkwan, his entrance into the idol world would probably be seen as something that was coerced by Seungkwan and his company anyway. Either his fans would come as an extension of Seungkwan's, or people would be put off listening to him because they would think that he'd bought his way into the industry or something. There wasn't really any place for him in the idol industry, other than to be Seungkwan's boyfriend. That was that; he was going to university and would get a low-key job afterwards, but would never try to get involved with Seungkwan's company. He made sure to point that out, although it was instantly met with a sigh and an obvious pout on Seungkwan's end of the phone. "You know you're gonna want to be a part of the company at some point, Hansol. I'm sure you'd do really well. It's something that you've been interested in for years. I'll continue trying to convince you for the rest of time if I have to."

Their conversation ended a few minutes after that. Seungkwan had made it back home and needed to eat something before bed. Whilst he _could_ stay on the phone as he ate, he knew that his mother hated it and would scold him for it. Besides, it encouraged him to eat slower, which would mean getting less sleep. It wasn't great when he was supposed to be travelling in the morning. Hansol completely respected that and so sent him off with the best wishes for a good sleep, and then promptly dropped the phone down onto his bed as he rolled to lay on his front again.

It was just one of those conversations that were best to sleep off, he figured. Whilst it all sounded like it would be great in theory, in practice it was almost certainly going to be far from easy. It wasn't that he didn't want to do any of those things - spending time with Seungkwan alone, getting a hotel room together, work with his boyfriend properly - it was that the thought of everything from the conversation left him feeling anxious beyond belief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's taking a while to get chapters out at the moment - sorry about that!! I'm due to finish university in less than four weeks so everything is a little bit stressful at the moment!! I'll try to keep up with this where possible but it might be a bit slower until exams are over in May!! At that point, I'll not have any responsibilities for a few months, so chapters will flow out a lot easier
> 
> Thank you for reading!! <3


	6. Chapter 6

It was like the first concert all over again.

Hansol knew that he was being awkward by getting ready way too early. Considering that it started at six o'clock that evening, there was no real reason why he would need to start getting ready at nine o'clock in the morning. Yet, he found himself having to force his body to stay in bed that little bit longer so that he didn't get the compulsive urge to get ready from the moment he woke up, and it was the most uncomfortable experience he'd had in a long time.

After all, he knew exactly what was coming up. It was no secret that he was going to end up sleeping with his boyfriend for the first time when they were in the hotel together. That much was obvious right from the start. He'd caught onto that really quickly. Usually, he wasn't the sort of person who caught the references and hints that his boyfriend would throw at him, and so it was a surprise that he'd managed to catch it a lot easier this time. It started when they went to a drugstore together and he noticed Seungkwan hesitating around the condoms. His eyes lingered there, very obviously weighing up whether he could get away with buying some. His eyes flickered over to Hansol, and then he promptly decided against it and started walking again. It was a little moment between them, but it was something that meant quite a lot in the end, really. It was the sign that their relationship was due to get more mature soon enough.

There was no way that they were going to be able to buy the condoms, to be honest. By that point, everyone knew that Seungkwan was in a relationship. They knew that he was in a relationship with Hansol specifically. He couldn't go out to buy them, but neither could Hansol. There was still that little bit of excitement surrounding the fact that they were one of the first openly same-sex couples in the idol world, and so they were being closely monitored for signs of their relationship changing. Any obvious signs of tension between them, of them showing that they were planning to move in together or hints that they were going to be getting intimate; all of those things would raise curiosity in the public, and it wasn't exactly the sort of thing that either of them really needed. It wasn't something that Seungkwan's company would really appreciate either. As much as they could try to avoid scandals as best as possible, it was something completely different when one of their idols was reported buying condoms and personal lubricants in a drugstore. It was something that would almost certainly end up getting out there, and it wasn't exactly the best way to break the country into the fact that they were in a relationship. It was something that they would need to work out in another way. Perhaps Hansol's mother was a lot more open to the fact that her adult son was looking to start a sexual relationship with his boyfriend, and so she might be happy to help them. Only time would tell, and Hansol would eventually figure out how to ask her about it.

The second thing that told him about it was that Seungkwan had a sudden fixation on body hair. It wasn't something that really bothered Hansol, to be perfectly honest. He wasn't exactly the sort of guy who would actively shave every part of his body to seem more attractive. He knew that Seungkwan's legs and underarms were shaved for aesthetic reasons - after all, he was supposed to be popular with young girls and the whole point was to seem soft and cute to appeal to them - but it was hardly like he was all that phased by it. Yet, Seungkwan gradually started to bring it up more and more as time went on, proving that it was a bit of a bigger issue to him.

"Do you think I need to shave?" he asked one day as he pulled up his stomach as much as possible. His fingertip poked at the dark but fine hairs on his lower stomach, and then gave a few gentle tugs on the few that were sticking out fully above his waistband.  
"I don't think it's a big deal," Hansol informed him, trying his hardest not to make it seem as if he had any preference at all, "If you like the thought of having body hair, you should keep it. If you don't, maybe shave it." Although Seungkwan gave a little nod, it was clear that he wasn't all that happy with the answer. It meant that he was left trying to hint it as much as possible in the process until eventually, he decided that he was going to try to make it more explicit. They were sat together in an otherwise empty house at the time, and Seungkwan simply turned to his boyfriend after a long silence so that he could ask his question.

"Hansol, do you think guys with hair downstairs are attractive?"  
"Hm?"  
"Hair downstairs. Do you think I should shave before our first time, or would you prefer natural or trimmed or--"  
"Oh, uh..." Hansol could feel his cheeks already starting to go pink as a result of the question. He hadn't really thought about it, other than when Seungkwan had tried to hint it to him. Again, it was something that didn't bother him. He genuinely didn't mind what another person did with their body, and he certainly wasn't there to police Seungkwan on that sort of thing. "What do you prefer?"

"You didn't answer my question."  
"I'm asking because it's your body and you should decide." Seungkwan suddenly went quiet, as if he hadn't really been expecting that sort of answer. His expression reflected surprise but also relief; as if he'd not been anticipating that his boyfriend would want him to have a say as to how his body looked. For a moment, he stayed quiet, and then he broke into a smile as he came to his decision.  
"I think it's really attractive when guys are natural. There's something about it and I can't really pinpoint what it is exactly, but I really love seeing guys who don't shave and aren't apologetic for that."

"Would you like me to give that a shot, then?" Hansol asked curiously. He watched as his boyfriend's expression twisted, and he couldn't help but smile as a result.  
"You just said that I have a say in how my body looks, but then you ask me how I want yours to look? You're a bit of a hypocrite, Chwe Hansol." It led to the younger boy laughing as he dropped a joke about how they were both supposed to be attractive to Seungkwan, since he was the better half in their relationship, and it had ultimately - thankfully - ended that discussion for good. It wasn't really the sort of topic that Hansol favoured, as it encouraged them to be pickier about the other person's appearance, but he guessed at least Seungkwan seemed relieved upon finding out that he wasn't going to be shamed regardless of how his body looked.

The third issue, though, was that both of them were complete virgins and weren't all that familiar with how to get intimate with other guys. It wasn't really the sort of thing that a person could simply plug into a search engine and find out about either, at least not in their current position. Sure, they could check incognito, but it was something that pretty damn risky by that point in time. Adult films did nothing for representing how to actually go about doing that sort of thing. A lot of the resources online were aimed at heterosexual girls whose boyfriends asked for anal. A lot of the good resources were in English, which wasn't too much of a big deal since Hansol could read them with no problems whatsoever and Seungkwan could simply put them into a translator, but it was still pretty awkward. There were some words that Hansol didn't really know in English because he'd never really had the need to know those sorts of words. All of the modern American terms to describe sex were alien to him, and they were highly culturally-bound, so there was only so much that his second language could help with that sort of thing. Then for Seungkwan, the translations weren't always the best on some of the pages, and so he was left simply guessing what the articles and blog posts meant when they discussed certain aspects of sexual relationships.

They both knew by that point that it was going to be a difficult job. They would need to work it out together, ultimately. Little kisses and touches to get them both prepared, asking to make sure that they were both on the same page and happy with whatever they were getting up to at that particular point in time, and then generally ensuring that no one in particular seemed to be uncomfortable with the act. It was the standard really, but just that little bit more difficult because there were a number of anatomical differences to take into consideration when they finally got down to it. Of course, it was probably going to be a lot easier when they actually got into the act and didn't have to worry about trying to make things good for each other but at the same time, it was the starting point that actually made things hard for them.

The result, though, was still a lot of stress and anxiety when the day of the concert finally came.

Hansol must have checked himself over even more times than he had for the first concert. This time, he had some additional problems to face. He knew that he had a body image that didn't bother either of them up until that point, but what if it did on that occasion? It was hardly like he could take himself out of the situation to fix it. Although Seungkwan had mentioned liking natural boys, he couldn't help but shave _some_ parts of his body. His legs, in particular, were attacked with his face razor until they were as smooth and hairless as Seungkwan's legs always seemed to be. He also took the plunge and shaved under his arms, figuring that it would stop him from having to worry about unfavourable body smells too. It didn't mean that he would necessarily be more or less dirty or anything - although he should hope that he would be completely clean, considering that he was in the shower for around an hour - but rather, he wouldn't have to worry about the thought of body scents clinging to the hair. It was something that he was incredibly paranoid about, along with the fine blond hairs on his knuckles. Finally, he shaved his face so that it was completely soft and smooth before turning his attention to washing himself all over. He made sure to go overboard with the washing process, knowing exactly which areas of a person's body usually facilitated bacteria growth. His navel, for example, was an area that gained excessive cleaning until it was squeaky clean.

By the time he was out of the shower, he did feel a lot better, but there were a lot of other things to have to deal with too. He had to allow his body to air dry so that he didn't feel sticky for the next few hours. Then he realised that the acne scars on his cheeks were particularly obvious and so had to cover them with a little bit of Sofia's makeup. She had a weird concealer that was green, in order to reduce the redness of her cheeks, so he made sure to brush a good amount of it into his skin until the slight tint was no longer visible. It dramatically improved the appearance right away, and Hansol was relieved. There were a few other things that he ended up doing to make himself feel a bit more confident, like styling his hair and brushing his teeth twice, and somehow he managed to drag out the entire process until around a half hour before they had to leave. That time was spent making sure that he had absolutely everything for both himself and Sofia for the night - snacks, fresh clothes, toiletries, his phone, chargers, and then the condoms he'd shamefully asked his mother to buy for them.

And then they started on their journey. Whilst Hansol was pretty sure that under any other condition, his mother would ask him questions about what exactly he and Seungkwan were planning to do, she had a knowing aura this time; it was hardly going to be a guessing game when he'd had to ask her for help with safe sex in preparation for their hotel room stay. She'd not made a scene about it then - instead opting to be the parent who he could trust to be there for him when he needed her to be - and she was hardly going to make a scene about it on the way to the concert. Perhaps he would end up discussing it with her afterwards when his father and Sofia weren't around, but he certainly wasn't going to be discussing it right now. It was something that he appreciated a lot, only made better when they finally arrived at their destination. "Have you got everything or do you need to pick anything extra up for your stay tonight?" she asked once she parked.  
"I think I've picked everything up for both of us," Hansol replied, "I double checked that I had everything but I doubt that if there is anything, it can't wait until we get home." She gave a nod and leaned over to kiss both of her children on their cheeks.  
"Look after yourselves, okay? If you need anything at all, please don't hesitate to call me." Hansol knew that she meant everything from feeling unsafe to withdrawn consent in this situation from the way that she said it, and he couldn't help but feel slightly more relaxed.

Unlike the first time, they didn't have to wait in the queue. Hansol wouldn't have been against it or anything but as they started on their way over to wait, one of Seungkwan's more confident fans realised that he was there and called out to him, and suddenly there were a number of people he'd never met in his life calling out to him and congratulating him for coming out. They were happy that their precious Seungkwan had found someone he loved, some of them yelled to him, and they were glad to see the photos of them looking loved up together. He couldn't believe it, frankly; he'd heard so many stories where idols had revealed that they were in a relationship and were faced by backlash from the fans, but he supposed that Seungkwan coming out as gay was a completely different story because they wouldn't really have the chance in the first place. There was no way that they would be able to convince him that he didn't like guys after all of the photos that had been released of them on their date, and so there was no point in letting jealousy surface. Yet, before he could start interacting with them too much, one of the members of security spotted him and made his way over. Apparently, Seungkwan had requested that they go in to see him for a little while since he wanted to make sure that they had somewhere to put their belongings during the event, and so they were promptly escorted into the building.

As soon as they entered Seungkwan's changing room, Seungkwan jolted as if to start on his way over. His hairstylist immediately hissed that he needed to stay still because she was having a hard enough time getting his hair to flatten down at the back without having to worry about him moving and messing it up, and so he ended up having to simply flash an apologetic smile in their direction instead as he called out that they should come over to him and sit on the nearby stools for a little while before he could get them alone. They had been trying all afternoon to sort out an awkward flick at the back that had developed when he decided to take a mid-morning nap, and nothing had worked to sort it out so far. His stylist had tried everything, from trying to straighten it to gelling it down to washing and airdrying his hair in hopes that it would fix itself. Nothing had really worked so far, and so they had eventually decided that the best way forward was to fluff up the rest of the hair at the back of his head and spray it with glue hold hairspray so that it would look more natural.

Hansol was quite frankly amazed. He'd never really considered that it would take that much effort to get idols ready for their performances; it all looked so simple and slick that it didn't seem as if it would take a full team to sort out every minor flaw in his appearance. On this particular occasion, his hairstylist had been working on his hair for a lot longer than his makeup artist had been working on his face. He was still in a gown, which had been put on to stop him from getting the white shirt covered in makeup stains and to reduce the chances of it crumpling before he went on stage. His outfit for this stage included a button-up, so it wasn't going to ruin all of the hairstylist's efforts, thankfully. That was one thing that Seungkwan had been worried about, since he knew that his hair was awkward when it started to get longer, and the last thing he wanted to do was make it seem as if she hadn't done anything to make him look crisp and perfect.

Finally, the stylist finished her work and promptly drowned him in setting spray. They weren't risking it moving, she said; he was performing for two hours straight and in that time, he couldn't let anything - sweat, enthusiasm, or any other risky behaviours - destroy the look that she'd put in place. That hairstyle had to survive three costume changes, and it had to look absolutely amazing on all of the fans' photos that would inevitably end up popping up by the time they woke up the following morning. He was particularly careful when getting changed into his shirt and jacket before turning towards Hansol and Sofia again with a huge smile. "Is this what you expected it to look like?" he asked as he made his way back over towards them. "I definitely didn't expect that the changing room would look like this back before my first stage performance but it's quite a friendly environment. The stylists do get a little bit irritable sometimes but I think that it's justified, considering that there's so much to deal with." He continued chatting with them about it for a little while before his manager turned up with drinks. Seungkwan's eyes lingered on the glasses for a little while before he eventually rejected it, seeing as the slightest bit of damage to his makeup on that particular day would see his stylist team setting him on fire. "Friendly", he'd just said moments before. "Not worth the risk", he was suggesting now. Hansol couldn't help but laugh at the fact that he obviously respected them but still had a little bit of a fear of annoying them.

After around twenty or so minutes, it was time for them to join the other fans in the concert hall. By that point, Seungkwan had been too comfortable with the fact that they were sat with him and wasn't all that fond of the idea of letting them leave, but it was hardly like he could get them to stay, really. The longer they left it, the less time he had to mentally and physically prepare himself for the stage, and so they made their way out of the room without lingering for too long. Hansol could feel his heart rising into his throat in anticipation for the show this time; it was a feeling that was very different to anything he'd really experienced before this time. It was the first performance that he was seeing as Seungkwan's boyfriend, instead of a fan or a friend, and it was the first performance where he'd be stood right at the front with his sister. This time, Seungkwan would know exactly where he was supposed to be standing, and there was no doubt that they would end up making eye contact a few times. He also knew that it was going to be a bit weird for Seungkwan too, honestly. After all, whilst he'd been to a number of his boyfriend's concerts in the past, this one had a slightly different air to it. Perhaps it was the need to impress him even more now that they were dating, or maybe it was anticipation for everything that was due to follow when they finally finished up for the night. Hansol didn't really know what it was, but he could see the nervousness on his boyfriend's face as soon as they first made eye contact across the stage.

Nevertheless, though, the show went on and he performed flawlessly. There was no sign that he was nervous as soon as he began to sing, and his dances flowed so naturally that it felt as if he had known how to perform that specific set of songs for years. It was amazing; if Hansol hadn't known better, he wouldn't even be able to tell that his boyfriend had had to practice these songs for hours every day either. It was almost effortless by this point. No awkward expression on his face when he worried that he'd accidentally misstepped, no looking as if he was trying to remember an awkward part of the dances, genuine smiles as he sang, perfect synchronisation with the backing dancers. Everyone knew their place on the stage, and Hansol honestly felt so proud when he watched Seungkwan's performance. 

That was another way in which it was different to the other concerts. He'd gone from appreciating his boyfriend's work from the perspective of someone who didn't really know much about the idol lifestyle, to appreciating exactly how much went into it. Outside of classes, he'd been working hard on it. He often played the track on his headphones so that he could flawlessly remember the lyrics. He danced until his body was weak and he could barely carry himself home. He often came home with a sore throat from trying to hit the high notes over and over again. Putting it all together for the first time left him drained for hours. It was a huge struggle for him, but it had all combined into one solid, amazing performance that left a warmth in Hansol's chest. It was a warmth that said, "That's my boyfriend and his hard work has paid off more than either of us could have possibly imagined."

By the time it was over, Hansol could feel the feelings of pride blossoming in his stomach. He knew that it was the greatest experience of his life so far and all of the nervousness that he'd been feeling at the start was replaced with the warmth of that sensation. He didn't even feel self-conscious as he kissed his boyfriend on the lips in front of Sofia, and he was happy to see that Seungkwan seemed relieved to find that he'd done a good job. "I'm guessing you both enjoyed it, then?" he asked with an air of confidence in his tone. It was clear that he was still slightly concerned that he hadn't met expectations, but at the same time he was feeling a lot better about it once he'd received that reaction over it. It was more of a recognition that perhaps his hard work had paid off, if nothing else.

Of course, Sofia was the first to start gushing over it. She didn't even give Hansol the opportunity to praise his boyfriend. He would have plenty of time to do that when they were alone, frankly, and so she needed to get it out as quickly as possible. Every synonym for "amazing" poured from her lips, and every comment was filled with such genuine admiration that Seungkwan couldn't help but grin in response. He was glad to have met her expectations, he said, but he was going to try even harder next time to completely blow her out of the water. Hansol made sure to add that he'd already been blown out of the water and it was going to be a lot harder to impress him even more than he already had, and Seungkwan's lips immediately twitched into an embarrassed smile as he promised that he'd at least give it a try.

It made for a happy journey to the hotel, in the end. The nerves were still squashed down by the afterglow of the performance. Seungkwan was obviously very proud of himself, and Hansol was proud of him too. Their hands touched in the car on the way there, toying with the ideas about their later encounters in an innocent manner, and Hansol couldn't even begin to count the number of smiles they exchanged whenever their eyes met. What started as a night of worry had quickly turned into an experience that was going to be worth it right from the moment that Hansol and Sofia clambered out of the car, and it was an absolute relief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter didn't cover everything I'd hoped to cover but it's around 500 words longer than the other chapters so the hotel bit is gonna have to go into the next chapter instead
> 
> Anyhoo I'm back for now so it'll be a shorter wait for the next chapter, which is hopefully a good thing!!
> 
> Thank you for your patience and understanding <3


	7. Chapter 7

Chwe Hansol could feel the anxiety building in his throat so fast that he was choking. He was left in a situation in which he was forced to try and deal with it on the spot; he either had to swallow the building lump in his throat or figure out some other way to calm himself down. It didn't work out how he expected it to, though, and he could hear the raspy breaths meeting the empty air of the hotel room every time he exhaled.

Seungkwan was in the bathroom. He'd begged for a few minutes to get himself ready to do what they were planning on doing. He wanted to be absolutely perfect. Whilst he had done what he could to prepare himself before the performance, there was only so much that could be done. He couldn't, for example, have a shower before his concert and then expect to be completely sweat-free afterwards. It was something that he was particularly self-conscious about and he'd refrained from even cuddling Hansol on a number of occasions, due to the fact that he'd just come from his dance practice and had been sweating badly. It was something that Hansol didn't really mind, but he guessed that leaving it would give his boyfriend the same sensations that he was experiencing at that point in time. Anxiety. Stress. Breathlessness. Elevated heartbeat. It was bad enough that one of them was experiencing those symptoms, but it would be even worse if both of them were in that position. It would make for a very awkward, uncomfortable first time for both of them.

The click of the bathroom door only made it worse. He didn't know what to do with himself; the anxiety rose higher into his throat until he was certain that he was going to be sick. It slowly opened outwards and Seungkwan slipped out of the room. The glow of the bathroom disappeared just moments later, and then Seungkwan took a few steps towards the bed. "Would you like to leave the lights off, or should we turn them on instead?" Frankly, Hansol couldn't think of anything that would make him more uncomfortable than the lights being on during their first time together. He didn't want Seungkwan to have to look at his nude figure and think, "This is what I've committed to. A boy who isn't all that toned, and who doesn't really look after his body." The nature of Seungkwan's job meant that he'd lost a lot of weight since he first became an idol and he'd worked incredibly hard to do so, which meant that Hansol's lack of trying looked even worse in comparison.

"I think it's best that we keep them off," he said as quietly as he could, trying his hardest not to make it obvious that he was incredibly nervous. Seungkwan simply gave a nod and made his way over to the bed before delicately laying down next to his boyfriend. For a few minutes, they said nothing. They pressed close enough to feel the other person's presence, and that was enough as a starting point. There was no need for any words. It wasn't as if they needed to tell each other what was happening, but it was a bit too soon to simply jump into it.

Neither moved for a while either, until eventually Seungkwan gave a soft sigh and shuffled a few inches closer so that he could bury his face in his boyfriend's shoulder. "I'm scared," he admitted with an awkward laugh, "I shouldn't be scared, but I'm really scared about this entire thing. Does that make any sense at all?" Hansol gave a reassuring hum as he wrapped an arm around him. He knew that he was just as scared and the words wouldn't come out under those circumstances, and so he simply tried his hardest to seem as if he was somewhat confident when he held his boyfriend. Again, they were left in silence for a moment as both boys tried to figure out who was going to have to make the first move, but then eventually the building anxiety and anticipation got to be too much for Hansol and he had to push for it to go ahead.

"Can I kiss you now?" he asked Seungkwan, and so the idol's face moved away from his chest enough for them to make contact. That kiss was laced with the worry that inherently came alongside the notion that two virgins would be experiencing their first time together, and it was something that Hansol was certain both of them had caught onto as soon as they made contact. It was shorter than their usual kisses, for starters, and once they pulled away, the eye contact between them lingered for much longer than it usually would have done.  
"Should we just... get on with it?" Seungkwan's voice sounded deep and nervous, and it was frankly pretty understandable. Of course, Hansol gave a nod of approval right away before rolling onto his back and promptly encouraging Seungkwan to take the lead with the entire process. After all, he'd done more research into the act and he had been the one to propose going ahead with it, so it was up to him to make those moves that would progress them through such a big stage in their relationship.

Their lips met once more as Seungkwan adjusted his position on the bed. He hovered over Hansol in a way that was certainly awkward, but generally helped to make the atmosphere more relaxed. If Seungkwan could seem awkward and clunky right from the start, it meant that Hansol didn't need to be concerned about what he was doing; he couldn't really be awkward enough to embarrass his boyfriend if it was mutual.

For a short while, they simply continued to kiss with Seungkwan hovering above him. It wasn't all too awkward, but it certainly didn't flow as well as Hansol had anticipated either. He'd always imagined that it would be easy enough to get into that sort of thing without the constant concern about how to kick it off, but then the starting point had ended up being sparked by his boyfriend's awkward fiddling with his shirt. He'd gone to grab for it but had quickly decided against the motion in the first instance. Then he'd decided to simply take the plunge, and so his hand had rested on the hem of the shirt. The first few seconds had seen his fingers hesitating without any movement whatsoever, painfully still and seeping with nerves, and then he'd eventually started to play with the fabric. It flickered between his fingers, lifting up ever so slightly to reveal less than an inch of pale skin, and would then fall back down to cover his flesh again. Rinse and repeat a few times. Hansol could feel himself getting more and more nervous the longer it was dragged out, and so eventually he sat up enough to pull the shirt over his head. He could sense the immediate sigh of relief from Seungkwan when he did so, even though it wasn't exactly audible. It made everything feel a lot easier to handle, and he was relieved that it had successfully relieved some of the tension between them.

They had been shirtless around each other before, but this was showing a new perspective entirely. Seungkwan drew from the kiss enough to be able to glance over Hansol's bare skin, and it was clear that he was interested in what he saw. He made a point of showing that off so that Hansol felt a lot less nervous about being exposed like that. A fingertip traced the curve of his ribs, stroked over his pecs, and then dipped down into his navel. He circled the finger slightly when he was inside of Hansol, and then gently pressed down until he gave a soft noise of surprise. It was the last place he expected to be touched like that and frankly, he was hit with a mix of pleasure and the urge to pee as soon as he felt Seungkwan pressing down. The idol immediately broke into a smile as he apologised, and it was clear that he was proud of himself for getting Hansol to make the first awkward noise of the night.

And so Hansol figured that the next move was to strip Seungkwan of his shirt. It was easy enough to do so now that he was shirtless, since he didn't really have the worry about how there would be an unequal distribution of nudity between them. No one person was going to be more exposed than the other, and it was something that was relatively comforting, he supposed. In a second flat, they were both left completely shirtless and Hansol was able to run his hands over the bare skin in return. He could stroke the skin as slowly as he wanted, and he could do the exact same navel touch as Seungkwan had done to him. Instead, though, he simply decided that he would pinch his boyfriend's nipples enough to leave them standing proud and unapologetic in the cool hotel room, and then he promptly moved his hands to Seungkwan's shoulders to pull him into another kiss. This time, it felt a lot more comfortable. They didn't have quite as much tension building between them now that they were starting to get into the swing of everything, and suddenly there was no rush to move forward. They had already started off the fling right there and then, and so it merely took one little touch to Hansol's belt to get everything moving forward at a speed that neither of them had really anticipated.

All of a sudden, there were hands everywhere. Hands unbuckling belts and popping buttons. Fingers skilfully tugging down the stiff metal zippers and worming underneath the loosened waistband of jeans. Without a moment of hesitation, every remaining scrap of clothing followed until they were both left completely exposed in front of each other. Completely, ultimately, unapologetically bare.

To start with, Hansol didn't know what to do. Would it be rude to stare at Seungkwan? He was in that position because of his boyfriend anyway, and surely it would make more sense to look at each other and get that bit over. Yet, he still had a strange fear of doing so lingering in the pit of his stomach; as if he really shouldn't be looking at another person like that. Seungkwan was another person and it seemed wrong to look at him as if he was a piece of meat or something. Hansol kept his eyes to himself for the first few seconds, but then Seungkwan glanced up at him and quickly diverted his own eyes. "Are you uncomfortable or something? We can stop here if you'd prefer to do that. I don't want to ruin everything with you by being too forward."

Of course, Hansol snapped back around to face him again. "No no, I just thought..." he breathed, not really knowing how to finish the sentence that he'd started. They made eye contact for a moment, the tension building quickly, until he eventually let his eyes brush over his boyfriend's body and let out a low sigh of relief. It wasn't anywhere near as intimidating as he thought it would be to look at another person like that, and so he let his eyes flicker between Seungkwan's face and body a few more times before he eventually reached out to touch the skin of his pelvis. He took note of how there was a relatively dramatic dip leading from his hipbones towards his stomach, and the curve meant that he could almost trace Seungkwan's bones if he wanted to. He wasn't quite so skinny that Hansol was able to do that with ease, although he did have to admit that it seemed as if Seungkwan had lost more weight lately. Sure, he'd been working hard on his comeback and all, but he was sure that his boyfriend's stomach wasn't quite _that_ flat just a month earlier. He didn't really know how to feel about it in all honesty, but it was Seungkwan's body so he had no place to tell him how he felt about it.

"Please be honest; what do you think about this?" Seungkwan asked, his voice dropping low. It was painfully obvious that he was nervous about asking that sort of question, which only ensured that Hansol would be careful with his words as he told him what he thought. Of course, he was going to avoid mentioning anything about Seungkwan's body and went straight towards his feelings about the situation as a whole, as not to make things unnecessarily awkward.  
"It's so weird because I didn't really think we'd ever be in this sort of situation when we first met, but now..." He let out a long breath as he let his eyes move up to Seungkwan's face again. "I feel like I'm above my head right now, but I really want to enjoy this with you. How do you feel about it?" Whilst his expression had been neutral as he concerned himself with the ins and outs of Hansol's attraction to him, Seungkwan's face instantly erupted into embarrassed laughter as soon as he was asked how he felt about the topic. He tried his best to hide his face with a hand, although it didn't really work out in his favour as Hansol could see the trickle of redness edging around his palm.

"I don't know how to do this and I'm worried that we're gonna go really wrong with it, but I guess at least I'm with you with this." For a second, it sounded as if he wanted to add more, but that was where he stopped and no amount of hinting to continue seemed to succeed in getting him to explain further. Instead, Seungkwan moved so that he was sat on his boyfriend's hips and gazed down at him, pressing both hands to his stomach in the process. "Do you know how you'd like to do this?" he asked as he tried to get comfortable. "I don't know how we're supposed to figure out what to do or anything." And if he was being honest, Hansol didn't really know what to do either. For every other couple he'd heard about, either in movies or actors or people in real relationships, the positions of dominance and submission were essentially pre-assigned to either person and both of them simply knew where they were going to be with it. They didn't need to discuss that sort of thing, and it was essentially an unspoken rule. It was also as if both of them knew right away as well. When it came to himself and Seungkwan, though, that seemed to pose even more of a challenge. He didn't know what he enjoyed, and Seungkwan didn't know what he enjoyed either.

It was going to have to be trial and error, he decided, and so he figured that perhaps Seungkwan's higher social status meant that this time, he should simply go ahead and lead the first time. If they weren't all that fond of it, they would simply swap around the next time and see which position they felt more comfortable in taking. No one else needed to know, and it was going to be something that they would have to work on as a couple anyway, so they were just going to have to delve into it. "I want to try being on bottom," Hansol announced, trying his hardest to ignore the quaking in his voice as each word came out. His voice almost sounded mechanical, but he tried his hardest to look past that and simply focus on what they were going to be doing together. Seungkwan's eyebrows shot up when he heard the suggestion, although he didn't have any complaints whatsoever. Instead, he shifted himself so that he was between Hansol's thighs, rather than being sat on his stomach, and then promptly tried to figure out how to move forward with the exchange.

It suddenly felt to Hansol that it was the best option was to finish there; to decide that they'd gone far enough and perhaps it was the starting point they needed to ensure that they could get into the swing of the affair a little further down the line. As much as Hansol did want to go ahead and sleep with Seungkwan in that sort of way, it was clear within seconds that neither of them really knew what to do. The limited resources meant that they were both concerned with getting it all wrong, and so neither really wanted to act as if they knew how to move forth either. The silence was excruciating in the first minute or so, until eventually Seungkwan gave a sigh and started searching for the various tools that they would need. It was as if he'd been thinking the same sort of thing but didn't really want to back out, but Hansol didn't really want to bring it up in case he was wrong and it made it seem as if he wasn't onboard with their plan any longer.

"I'm just gonna put on a condom and get to work, and if it turns out that it hurts or you think I'm doing something wrong, I need you to tell me right away and we'll try again. I'm sure I have enough data on my phone to be able to check it up incognito, but I'm a bit worried that it'd ruin the mood to check it up now." He seemed to be nervous but determined to go ahead, and although Hansol had been prepared to admit defeat and just order a pizza, he figured that it was best to simply plunge straight into it. He watched as Seungkwan searched through the bag he'd taken along until he finally found the condom and lubricant that Hansol's mother had handed him, and then promptly took a second to look over them. "Ultra-thin," Seungkwan mused as he fumbled with the box of condoms, and then placed the remainder on the nightstand, "Did you ask for these ones, or do you think that maybe it's an attempt to make sure that we use something at least?"

"Probably the second option," Hansol informed him with a smile. Whilst the nerves of the actual exchange were starting to disappear, the embarrassment of the memories of his mom getting them sex products was something that was quickly returning. It still stuck in his mind as something that he really appreciated, but there was still that bit of awkwardness around having to admit to his mother that he was taking that step with someone. Of course, it would ultimately end up with her finding out exactly what they were doing, so he supposed that perhaps it was best to just throw themselves in at the deep end so that she wouldn't feel as if she wasted time and money in helping them to be safe in the bedroom. He wasn't going to say that to Seungkwan and there was no intention whatsoever in making him feel obliged to continue, but it was something that he was personally going to keep in mind from that point onwards.

Preparing was just as awkward and messy as the undressing had been, frankly. They ended up having to check online which way the condom was supposed to go on, and it was a huge relief that they managed to get it right before they got started. That had been something that had thrown Hansol off completely; he hadn't really considered the fact that there was a right and wrong way to put them on until they were in that situation, and then it promptly occurred to him when they took it out of the packet and noticed that the tip of it was pushed through in the opposite direction to the rest of it. Nevertheless, it was something that they definitely weren't going to forget the next time, and that was something good at least.

Then by the time they actually got onto it and Seungkwan was ready to push in, they were both absolutely covered in lubricant. It was messier than they'd both anticipated, and not quite as silken as it suggested on the bottle. No, this stuff was sticky want it made for the undying sensation to get rid of it from their skin. It would waste too much time, though, and so Seungkwan decided to simply avoid touching it as much as possible as they got on with the task in hand. He positioned himself, making sure not to touch it too much, and then pushed straight in.

The sensation was... well, _alien_. Hansol couldn't really say that he enjoyed it as such. It was alright, but it wasn't quite as enjoyable as he thought it would be. Sure, it gave him pleasure and it was great to feel Seungkwan against him, but it wasn't some sort of breath-taking, orgasmic experience. He couldn't feel his legs shaking, he had no overwhelming urge to dig his nails into his boyfriend's back, and they were both almost silent as they went ahead. Here and there, they would experience a small flash of pleasure in a spot that they'd never really noticed beforehand, which would leave them gasping for the breath that had been sucked straight out of their lungs, but that was the extent to it. Hansol stroked himself in time with the rhythmic thrusts, and Seungkwan made sure to do what he would in order to make it feel as good as possible for both of them.

They finished after just a few minutes. What they'd expected would take at least an hour or so ended up taking just around fifteen minutes at most, at which point, they mutually decided to stop there. There were so many other things they could have done to improve the experience that bit more, but they didn't really need to say anything to each other to know that it was simply something that they needed to research more and develop together in order to make it something that they both genuinely enjoyed to the degree that they had been expecting.

It may not have met their expectations, but it was certainly a good starting point for them to be able to develop further, and that was the important part. Not only would it give them the chance to develop their physical relationship, but it inherently introduced additional warmth and loving into their romantic relationship too. It was an intimate act that they enjoyed despite the difficulties that came alongside it, and it wasn't even something that either of them would take back. Just another thing that they would seek to improve on where they could.

They slept well that night, with Seungkwan in Hansol's arms. They were chest to chest, hip to hip, and arms were around each other. Although they would end up having to part again in the early morning, it was perfect to just be together for a few hours.


	8. Chapter 8

Hansol didn't know what to say when he got in his mother's car the following morning.

It wasn't as if his time in the hotel room with Seungkwan hadn't been good. They'd ended up getting intimate a few more times along the way, having had a few short naps between rounds. By the time it came time for them to part, they'd had to have a long shower in order to ensure that they didn't smell too badly of each other. Just leaving the room for a second left them very aware of the smell of bodily fluids that lingered in the room, and so surely they were going to smell just as bad if they didn't wash it away. They ended up parting with a firm kiss, not minding Sofia again, and then Seungkwan quickly fled the scene. He knew right away that his staff would be angry at him for being late when they were on such a tight schedule, but he couldn't just leave without thanking them both for their time. Thankfully, Sofia had gotten their mother to tell her school that she needed to visit her doctor that morning, since otherwise they would have had to leave before six o'clock to get her to school on time, but it was still a long journey for their mother to make and Seungkwan genuinely appreciated the effort she went to in order to make sure that they would be able to see him perform.

But their mother had pushed for all of the details there and then, other than the little bits about what her son had done with his boyfriend in bed, obviously. Sofia had happily described everything that happened in detail, starting with the fact that they'd managed to skip the queue and then working through the details of their time in the dressing room and the actual performance itself. At that point, Hansol decided to tune in for a while; she began to discuss what sort of things she did in her room whilst she was there. She pointed out that she knew that her brother and his boyfriend would want some time alone to do some couple stuff so she didn't really want to bother them, and so she simply ordered room service - as suggested by some of Seungkwan's staff once they had brought her some towels to her room - and then she spent some time chatting with her friends. She also found that she really liked the shower in that particular hotel room. It took up half of the bathroom and was very spacious. She ended up sitting on the bottom of the shower for a little while so that she could think about everything that was happening in her life, and it had ended up being an incredibly luxurious night overall.

That was when the attention shifted towards Hansol. He was frankly pretty reluctant to go into the details of what happened between him and his boyfriend, even though he knew that his mother and Sofia were simply expecting the basics from him at that point. He wasn't expected to tell them about what sort of intimacy they had shared, and he didn't need them to tell him that to know that it would probably be frowned upon to go into that much detail right away. But he didn't really know what else to say. Would he tell them about the deep conversations that they'd had about the future that night? That he confessed to Seungkwan that he was scared to have children in the future in case their self-esteem was as bad as his own? That they had ended up holding each other as Seungkwan cried over the stress that he'd been facing? What had started out as a romantic and intimate night had quickly grown deep and whilst it showed that they were just two humans, it was still something that he would struggle to explain to anyone. It required a level of trust, which they had been working on for months up until that point, and it somehow didn't even snatch the mood away when they talked about those sorts of things.

Naturally, though, he ended up telling his mom about it all anyway. She had a free day that day and Hansol wasn't in work, so they had the opportunity to discuss everything that had gone on as soon as Sofia was in school. As much as she would probably understand to a degree too, Hansol didn't really feel that it was an issue that was appropriate for young ears, and that was why he wasn't planning on telling her the ins and outs of his relationship. They had bonded over Seungkwan, but they couldn't really bond over how exposed he'd felt that night. It was something that he was certain only his mother would be able to relate to at that point in time, out of everyone he knew. So he simply sat down and told her everything from beginning to end. He started with the fact that Seungkwan had obviously been nervous about everything too, and then moved on to confess that they'd ended up messing around together at least three or four times whilst they were at the hotel. Then there were the conversations about everything. Seungkwan's constant need to be perfect. His own fears about the future. Their shared feelings about the fact that they probably wouldn't be able to move in together and raise a family.

That was something that caused a particularly huge issue for Hansol. Although he wasn't too fond of the idea of having children in general, it was a completely different story when it came to the thoughts of moving in together and taking their relationship further. Sure, they probably wouldn't be thinking about marriage properly for quite some time, but at the same time it was still some issue that was going to be on their plate at some point in the future. Hansol had seen a number of idols whose careers had ended as a result of their relationships, since fans had taken it the wrong way completely. And whilst Hansol trusted that a lot of his fans were supportive of their relationship, marriage was something else entirely. Perhaps if he told them that he wouldn't be able to spend as much time on Vlive or performing, they would get too upset and stop supporting him. The same could possibly happen if they moved in together, too. Hansol would probably be in the same house and that could possibly make fan interactions difficult. Especially if they wanted to have Vlives in the middle of the night. After all, Hansol would probably need to sleep so that he would be able to get to work the following morning. In fact, moving in together also raised a number of other issues, such as ease of getting to his practice sessions, the fact that Seungkwan would probably need to go on various different diets in order to get where he needed to be for each comeback, and then the added stress on both their careers and relationship if they were in constant close proximity.

His mother pointed out that he was probably worrying over nothing. She'd experienced something similar when she moved in with his father, and it had only been made worse by the fact that he proposed shortly after they'd moved in together. It meant that she was left worrying about the future and how they were going to manage. His father spent a lot of time working, and she was on a twenty-hour contract at work, which meant having awkward shift times for the most part. It seemed as if they wouldn't make it through, even when they eventually had Hansol together. Eventually things settled down, obviously, but then it all flared back up when they moved to Korea together and she was thrust into a place where she didn't know the language and couldn't navigate all that well around the place. Whilst Hansol and Seungkwan's situation was different in a number of ways, it also had its similarities, and so she was sure that she could offer support where possible. Be it for their lack of knowledge about how to approach intimacy, or their fears about how they would be able to have a future together, given the stresses of life that had emerged over the past few months; she had ways of helping them to take a step back and realise that things were going to work out in the end.

Admittedly, the discussion did make him feel a lot better. He'd gone into it feeling nervous about everything and worrying that he was going to end up struggling for the rest of their time together, but it had turned out that it probably wasn't as big as he thought it was. And even if it was, there was always going to be a solution. Even if other people hadn't experienced the exact same situation that they were going through, they would still be able to provide some sort of support based on the similarities in their own experiences.

Ultimately, it led to the topic being brought up with Seungkwan later that night when he was back in his hotel room. When they were able to see each other's faces on their phone screens, both boys quickly grew shy from the memories of what had occurred between them less than twenty-four hours beforehand, but that shyness quickly drained away as the conversation started rolling. What started as small talk quickly developed, until they were eventually able to discuss the topics that had come up with Hansol's mom without being too awkward about that sort of thing. Seungkwan was visibly relieved when he found that she had given such sound advice, and he seemed a lot more comfortable with discussing where their relationship was heading as a result. They were going to be able to make something of their time together, he told Hansol with new found assurance. He knew that they were going to end up staying together for the rest of their lives, and they were going to end up having a really fulfilling, happy relationship along the way.

Hansol couldn't help but laugh when he heard that. It sounded really weird to think about that. Whilst he hoped that they would be able to have a happy relationship for the most part, it still seemed as if Seungkwan was expecting too much from them both. He liked how it sounded, though, and so he decided to simply roll with it. Perhaps the optimism meant that any arguments could be resolved quickly and they would be able to keep in mind that their love for each other was something that meant more than the issues that they were facing at that particular point in time. Perhaps it would even serve as a protective factor against the stress that they would eventually end up facing when they moved in together. That was what Hansol hoped, at least. If they could sort those sorts of issues out with each other, as a result of being convinced that they were destined to have a fulfilling relationship, it would work out for the best in the end.

And then the conversation moved on.

"How was your performance today, by the way?" Hansol asked as he adjusted his position on his bed to lay down properly. His laptop was moved to the side so that he could relax better, and then he rested his head on a hand so that he could still see his boyfriend properly. Seungkwan gave an awkward laugh and ran a hand through his hair as he gave what appeared to be a drained smile.  
"It was tiring, as always. And then there was a really weird fan who-- Um, actually, I think maybe I shouldn't talk about that." But he'd caught Hansol's attention and it seemed wrong to avoid telling him what had happened. It didn't take all that much convincing before he finally caved and started to explain what had happened and frankly, Hansol was relieved that he'd been made aware of the situation by the end of his explanation.

"She just seemed to be a little bit too obsessive, if that makes sense. One of those fans who think that you're going to fall madly in love with them, even when you say you're not interested. Even when you're dating someone else. It's just the weirdest thing to experience, I think. You don't usually consider that sort of thing until it happens in real life and have someone with one of those signs."  
"Signs?"  
"You know the ones that claim that you're destined to be together and they'll never stop pursuing you?" Hansol gave a little hum of acknowledgement and his boyfriend simply offered up an uncomfortable smile. "I don't think anything is going to come out of it, obviously, and she's probably not going to be able to come to any fansigns or anything like that, but she just sort of gave me this weird vibe."

It was strange to hear that sort of thing, Hansol decided. After all of Seungkwan's stories about how good his fans were, it seemed to be a bit unusual to hear about one fan who was quite the opposite of everyone else. Of course, it could have just been a one-off. It could have been left there. It could have been the case that she'd just gone a bit over-the-top and not realised that her love for her idol was past what was considered to be acceptable. That would be perfectly reasonable and both boys would have understood that sort of thing perfectly well.

The conversation moved on shortly afterwards. Seungkwan started to discuss the other aspects of the show. A piece of confetti got directly inside his eye, and so he'd performed the last few seconds of one of his songs without being able to see. He'd had to get it picked out by a member of staff, and then his makeup artist had gotten huffy because he'd ruined his perfect smoky eye by rubbing it too much. Then he'd been taken to dinner by his staff, as congratulations for hitting so many views in such a short amount of time. It was almost as fast as some of the bigger groups, and the bonus was that he seemed to be heading towards an all-kill with this particular album. It was something that he was incredibly proud of, and it took away from the negativity of that particular fan.

And so the topic of the girl seemed to be brushed to one side. They figured that there was no need to dwell on her, since a lot of fans were only there on a one-off basis, and so statistically he was unlikely to ever see her again. Plus if he did, she could have possibly calmed down. He knew well that a lot of fans were obsessive in their first few months of being a fan, but they tended to calm down a lot whilst they were waiting to see him at a second concert.

But then again, for this fan, it wasn't isolated to that one occasion.

No, this was something that flared up again shortly after. Seungkwan had his fansign, and she'd somehow managed to get a ticket. This one had been based on a raffle, since he knew that a lot of his fans couldn't afford the prices that were demanded of them, but she'd somehow nabbed one. It turned out when she went to talk to him at the front of the room, though, that she'd bought over two-hundred copies of his new album so that she would essentially be guaranteed a place at the fansign. She'd used up a big portion of her inheritance to get those albums and had simply passed them on to her friends after taking all of the photocards out of them. She needed to meet him and confess her undying love for him, she said, and she didn't care that he had a boyfriend. Situations changed. People fell in and out of love. She was certain that they were going to end up being together in the future, after Seungkwan realised that there were more people in the world than some boy he'd met at a fansign one time. Heck, he was meeting her at a fansign too, which put her on the same level as Hansol. It went to show that anything was possible.

If not, she said, she would turn herself into a boy for him. She would cut off her hair and bind down her breasts and take medication to make herself look more masculine. She would change whatever he didn't find attractive so that he would be able to accept it in his mind, and then they would be able to spend their lives together. The added bonus that she had over Hansol was that she would still be able to carry his children, and so she was the better option. Of course, Seungkwan was left feeling incredibly uncomfortable after the exchange and was quickly regretting his decision to leave some distance between himself and his security team, but it was hardly like he could call them over to deal with her when she put him in such an awkward, uncomfortable position. Instead, he pretended that nothing had happened and simply sighed a breath of relief when she left his side.

It ended up on the internet, though. Photos of him looking uncomfortable as a result of their meeting. They were posted by the time he got to his hotel room and called Hansol. "I think I might have to take a break for a little while as a result of this," he said as he obviously tried to force back tears. Hansol didn't know what to say, so he simply stayed quiet. "You know, I've never had a fan who made me feel that anxious, but she was so insistent that we were going to end up together." He proceeded to explain every detail that he could recall. Hansol felt sick, although he couldn't really say much in response still. What could he say now? Anything he could come up with would have already run through his boyfriend's mind. He knew that taking a break would give him space to distance himself. He knew that if he said anything himself, he would probably end up getting a load of bad press. He knew that many of his fans wouldn't end up knowing the full story and whilst the ones who were there would probably realise that something was very wrong, he knew that a good few would think that he was being intentionally malicious.

And so they ended up making the decision together and Seungkwan called up his manager whilst he was on Skype with Hansol. He quickly explained the situation and informed him that he wanted to take a break as soon as possible, since he knew that there were no more fansigns or concerts coming up, and although his manager seemed to be a bit reluctant to start with, he quickly gave in and accepted that it was something that Seungkwan needed. It was vital for his mental health and general well-being, and so he needed to step away from the light for a few weeks. His interviews were cancelled, his television slots were cancelled, and all of his upcoming Vlive events were wiped. Sure, it would disappoint a lot of his fans, but it was for the best. He couldn't risk the issues that would come alongside those sorts of images spreading.

Seungkwan supposed, though, that the plus side was that he and Hansol would have the opportunity to spend some more time together. They could be a couple properly and work on what they'd missed so far. They could be like regular young couples and binge-watch some television shows together, and they could have pizza dates. If they were careful, they would probably be able to do some things outside too, like going to a nearby park or farm. So that was what they did. They tried to do as much as possible whilst staying out of the way of the press, and it had generally been pretty successful. Especially since they had tried to avoid obvious patterns for going out together in order to reduce the number of articles that would be written about them.

It was a time of high anxiety, but it was another reality of idol life. And as annoying as it was, Hansol was simply going to have to put up with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't really know where to go with this one at the start but I've planned out the chapters now so it's actually heading in a direction!! Hopefully it means that it'll be a little bit more solid now, although I don't know if it's going to be for the best for you guys~
> 
> Thank you for reading!! <3


	9. Chapter 9

It would be a huge lie if Hansol and Seungkwan claimed that the fan didn't get all that obsessive.

As it turned out, she was one of the girls in the year above Sofia at school. The girl had quickly found out that Sofia knew Seungkwan personally and had tried to become her friend, in hopes that she would be at her house when her brother's boyfriend turned up there. To start with, Sofia didn't mention anything to either of them because she had no intention of inviting the girl to their house in the first place. Their mother wasn't all that fond of having strangers randomly turn up to their house, and she liked to get to know her kids' friends before having them come over on a regular basis. But then it started to get too much for her to handle and she ended up telling Hansol and Seungkwan one evening when her phone started to vibrate, signifying that the girl was trying to video call her.

"She's getting on my nerves," Sofia announced as she tossed her phone across to the other side of the bed and turned to bury her face in her pillow. "She keeps trying to call me so that she can see Seungkwan and it's not even funny anymore. I just want peace without her constantly trying to see him. What does she not understand about the fact that I'm not going to hook her up with him?" Obviously, Seungkwan guessed exactly who she was talking about right away. He could have guessed her approximate age when she was at the fanmeet, and it was quite plausible that she was around fifteen or sixteen years old. The girl continued to call over and over until eventually Seungkwan suggested that she pick it up and pretend to be studying, just so that he could check whether it was the same person from the sidelines, and so Sofia ended up begrudgingly answering the call.

"Yuna, hey," she said as she answered the call. It was clear from her voice that she wasn't all that happy with having to answer, although she knew that it was best that Seungkwan knew exactly what he was dealing with in that sense. As expected, it was the same girl from the meets and concerts, and Seungkwan immediately moved away once he'd caught sight of her in order to ensure that she didn't see any of him and start to lose her cool. "I'm sorry, I have to get back to my work in a minute. Was there something you needed to talk about?" Sofia asked almost straight away, signifying that she was uncomfortable with the call right from the start.  
"Is Seungkwan-oppa there?" There was a long pause.  
"No, Yuna. He has his own house, you know. He doesn't live with us and he doesn't live with my brother. Now, I need to get back to my work."

At that point, Sofia simply hung up the call and switched her phone off so that she wouldn't have to deal with any further calls. Hansol and Seungkwan were left staring in surprise at the way that she had been so snappy but admittedly, it had been somewhat warranted. She caught on right away as she looked up. "What? I'm just sick of her messaging and calling me constantly to ask about you. If she wants to know more about you, there are hours of interviews and variety shows where she'll get to learn about you. It's not difficult to find them. I'm not in the mood to be pestered all the time because she's obsessed with you."  
"No no, I completely support that and understand what you mean," Seungkwan jumped in right away, "I've just never seen you so irritated before. Is she bothering you that much?"

"You don't even know," Sofia laughed as she pressed her hands over her face. She went on to explain the weird little things that the girl had done that left her feeling irked. It was everything from little comments about how great she would feel if Seungkwan was to speak informally to her, to who she thought topped out of her brother and Seungkwan, to questions about whether she could sleep over at Sofia's house in hopes that Seungkwan would stay for the night and she would be able to catch a glimpse of him without clothes. She often pushed it too far, apparently, and Sofia didn't exactly have the patience to deal with it most of the time. She confessed that she knew her brother and his boyfriend had sex here and there, and although their mom tried to hide it from her it was hardly a secret, but the last thing she wanted to do was be bombarded by questions about her future brother-in-law's sex life and naked body. And that was perfectly understandable, they decided; it wasn't something that they would discuss with anyone either, so there was no reason why Hansol's sister should have to answer those sorts of questions.

But then it went from being a little bit uncomfortable to absolutely terrifying in a matter of weeks. Sofia ended up completely cutting Yuna off and avoided being near her wherever possible. She simply told her that she was done with being used for her connections, and then she completely stopped talking to the girl on the spot. It was arguably the best way to go about things; after all, the last thing they really needed was for her to be left feeling as if she didn't want to go to school because of one of Seungkwan's fans. She was a mature girl and was generally pretty patient about that sort of thing, but the last thing she really wanted was to have someone pushing her past her limits and getting in the way all of the time. As a result, Hansol and Seungkwan were left to deal with it alone, but they weren't quite as direct with it as Sofia had been.

Seungkwan had never had to face a fan like that before and it was clear that he was completely out of his comfort zone when it came to addressing the issues that he was facing with her. Firstly, she kept turning up to his workplace on a regular basis, in hopes that she would see him. It would end up causing issues for other idols too, who were faced with her asking if they could just let her into the building so that she could see him. They had more sense than to let her in, obviously, but Seungkwan was still uncomfortable with the fact that they were having to deal with that sort of issue in the first place. There was no reason for her to try to see him like that and it was far from what he expected from someone who was supposed to be going to high school the following year, so he quickly lost his patience with her too and decided that he would spare his colleagues the stress by training at a local gym instead. At least that way, they would be able to tell her honestly that Seungkwan wasn't going to be there.

Secondly, she found ways to figure out where Hansol worked as well. She didn't go in to harass or threaten him, but would spend a lot of time looking around and would make any excuse to talk to him when he was at the front of the shop. It was as if she was trying to figure out what the competition for Seungkwan's heart was like, and how she would try to get rid of him. But she was always polite to Hansol and never once threatened him out loud, so he could hardly get her banned from the shop. He was just waiting for the moment where he would be able to get her banned from entering the premises, but there was nothing to work with at all. She was incredibly careful not to do anything that could get her escorted out of the shop and given a lifetime ban. She was just like any other kid who went to the same shops after school every day, and there was technically no harm in her doing that sort of thing.

Then there was the fact that she'd found out where Seungkwan lived. She found out his parents' names, his sister's name, their car registration plates, and his exact address. She had been spotted walking past the house a few times, although it wasn't clear whether it was because she knew someone who lived nearby or whether she was intentionally making her way over to where they lived. But then it ended up coming out during one of Seungkwan's fanmeets. He called Hansol afterwards to tell him that she appeared to know where he lived and told him all sorts of information about himself, in a way that was ringing huge alarm bells in his head, although she obviously seemed to think that she was coming across as his biggest fan instead and actually seemed to be rather proud of herself for telling him those sorts of things. It wasn't shared, obviously, and he couldn't help but feel incredibly vulnerable as a result. 

The issue that topped it all off, though, was the way in which she started to hand-deliver letters to his front door. To start with, Seungkwan didn't think much of it. His company's address was written on the envelopes, which suggested to him that his managers were simply redirecting them to his house or getting someone to drop them off there for him. But then he realised that the letters didn't even have postage stamps on them and he immediately began to panic as a result. A quick conversation with his managers confirmed that they knew nothing about the letters. His company relocated his family and helped them to change their car so that she wouldn't be able to track them down, and then they were given some security cameras in order to ensure that they were able to feel safe in their new house again.

Admittedly, Hansol couldn't really believe how it had all blown up. In the space of three months, his boyfriend had gone from being carefree and happy to being uncomfortable and paranoid. Whenever they were out together, he would be constantly checking to make sure that they weren't being followed, and then whenever they were at home he couldn't help but constantly check out of the window to make sure that she wasn't pacing up and down their street. Every time he saw movement, he would end up watching for a while to make sure that the coast was clear, and only then would he be able to continue with their conversations. It wasn't really the sort of situation that Hansol wanted for Seungkwan, in any way. Although other idols had claimed that the crazy fans helped to toughen them up, he knew that that was far from the case for his boyfriend. It turned him into a person who was reluctant to leave home, and who scoured the internet endlessly in fear that she had spread his personal information around to other fans.

And then, all of a sudden, she disappeared. It came without any warning whatsoever, and it put Hansol and Seungkwan on edge more than anything had done beforehand. It was strange; one day she was trying to contact him constantly and the next day she wasn't around at all. There was no sign of her around his new house nor Hansol's current house, there were no sightings of her around his company's building, and they didn't even see her when they went out together. Hansol made sure to ask Sofia about it too, and so she made sure to check as subtly as she could manage the following day at school. Apparently, though, Yuna had suddenly transferred schools without any warning whatsoever. It was strange, considering that she was so close to the end of the school year and had her exams to worry about, but it was a relief to know that she just wasn't going to be around physically anymore.

Hell, her fanpages were also shut down; everything from her Tumblr blog to her dedicated photography website. To start with, Seungkwan was convinced that perhaps she had been bullied or something and had therefore had to move to another school within the city - somewhere that would still guarantee her a good high school but would create some distance from her old middle school - but then the time since they last saw her continued to increase. A week. A month. Six months. A full year. Whilst they did feel on edge to begin with, it was an absolute relief when they eventually got to the point in which they knew that they were free from her stalking. At that point, Seungkwan couldn't help but cry happy tears. He honestly felt at home again once they were eventually free to do what they wanted without fear of being watched by the people around them, and it seemed to be a huge relief to his other fans too.

So life started to go back to normal. Seungkwan and Hansol started to go on dates again on a more frequent basis without the fear of having to watch themselves. Seungkwan didn't need to worry about being followed to work or turning around to see her at his university, and Hansol was relieved to find that there were no sightings of the fan at his workplace either. Seungkwan happily got back into making music and continued to work towards his comebacks, even organising further fanmeets and concerts in the process. He was comfortable with Vlive events and meeting fans in public and going to media stores in order to personally hand out his albums when they were finally on sale. It was as if she never existed in the first place.

In fact, she even started to become a joke between the couple and their families. It was mostly to relieve the tension, but anyone who said or did something that appeared to be obsessive or uncomfortable would end up being referred to by Yuna's name as a joke. It was something that they could laugh at now that it was over - although sometimes the joke would be met with a groan as they started to remember all of the weird things that she had done to make them all uncomfortable - and so they all eventually became more happy with the fact that they had made it through that experience without having to concern themselves with how much it had affected them at the time.

The waters were cleared for a good two years in the end. By that point, everything had moved on and there was no need to think about her again. Hansol had started to attend university - which he ultimately ended up starting later than anticipated, just in case something else came up and it ended up leading to a similar situation - and Seungkwan eventually moved into the final year of his degree. Whenever Seungkwan was performing in Korea, Hansol would get tickets to see his performances, and more often than not, Sofia would get to see the shows too. When he was performing outside of the country, Hansol would sometimes be allowed to go along with him, depending on whether he had any university work to complete.

And then they got to that point in their relationship where they wanted to make things permanent. Seungkwan made sure to sit Hansol down at that point to discuss it with him directly, since he knew that it was best to discuss it personally instead of actually springing it on him. Hansol was as Korean as Seungkwan was, despite spending the first few years of his life living in a country where surprise proposals were seen as the norm. As a result, it had led to them getting a few bottles of wine and sitting on Seungkwan's bed as they discussed that sort of thing together. It covered everything about their future together and the way that they were heading with it. Between Seungkwan's job as an idol and Hansol's part-time work, they would be able to get a house together and could probably get a pet too, if that was what they wanted. Children were off the table for the moment, obviously, since they were only in their early twenties and had a lifetime ahead of them still. It was too early to go down that route, and they weren't even sure whether they wanted to have children in the future either.

Then the topic of marriage came up. Technically, they would be able to get married in America, if they wanted to do that. Hansol technically had dual citizenship, since he was born in America and all, so it wasn't like they would be unable to take that step together. Sure, they would have to jump through a few loopholes, but it would be possible. But saying that, being engaged and keeping it that way until same-sex marriage was legal in Korea wouldn't be that much of an issue for them either. It wasn't as if they needed to rush into that sort of thing, and they were more than happy to wait for a few extra years to be able to officially tie the knot together. And so Seungkwan suggested that perhaps they could get engaged and wait for the time to come for them to be able to get married officially. It was a move that he wanted to make, apparently, and he couldn't even describe how much he wanted to be referred to as Hansol's fiance instead of Hansol's boyfriend. It suggested that their relationship was a lot more serious and well-developed, rather than being something that could end with a minute's notice. Seungkwan was absolutely certain that he wanted to spend his life with Hansol, and so Hansol could hardly argue against that sort of decision. Whilst he had been a bit reluctant to start an official relationship with Seungkwan to start with, they had hit the point where it felt natural to take things further. They could happily get engaged without him feeling intimidated as a result, and so he ended up agreeing to the proposal.

Of course, they told their parents about it first, but it was hardly going to be a secret once the people who needed to know were aware of the change in their relationship. It wasn't like they were going to hide the rings that they ended up getting for each other, and they weren't going to put them on other fingers to make it seem as if they were bought as random gifts, rather than engagement symbols. It was only a matter of time before that sort of thing started to trickle out into the media; Hansol waited for the day where he would be picking up lunch at a store near to his university and would see magazines that noted their engagement bands. When that day finally came, he couldn't help but take a sneaky photo, which he sent to Seungkwan. It was a sign that they were eventually going to have to make an official announcement - or at least get Seungkwan's company to make the announcement on their behalf - and so they had a couple of days to prepare themselves before the official announcement surfaced.

At that point, they were bombarded with interview requests about their relationship. It wasn't all that uncommon for idols to get engaged or married, but it was a bit of a bigger deal that they were getting engaged when they weren't really going to have the opportunity to marry or anything. It seemed to spark interest as to whether they were simply making such an announcement for attention, but Seungkwan made sure to tell everyone that they were just like any other couple and they wanted to make their relationship permanent at some point in the future. Okay, they wouldn't be able to marry for a few years, but he hoped that at some point they would be able to go ahead with it and live as any heterosexual couple would. It was just a human desire for relationship security, and it wasn't something that anyone else should really be that bothered about, he told them.

It seemed as if it was well-supported overall. Hansol was faced with a few people around university congratulating him, and the only backlash was in whispers in the hallways around campus. No one said anything directly to him, though, and no one really said anything to Seungkwan either. They could happily ignore the comments from other people in the media, who claimed to be okay with the idea of them being in a relationship as long as they didn't try to snatch marriage for themselves. It wasn't something that really affected them that much at all.

In fact, it was generally pretty smooth sailing until eventually, they were faced with another hurdle. Seungkwan called Hansol up in a fluster to tell him that everything was starting to flare up again and he needed to see him, without any context whatsoever. To start with, Hansol could feel the anxiety starting to swamp his body, as a result of not really knowing what to expect. It was worse to not know what the issue was than to have that opportunity to overthink it on the way to Seungkwan's house, and so he ended up reconsidering every single issue that they had faced in their relationship on the way to his fiance's house. Perhaps it was another scandal in a magazine, or someone had claimed that he had done something awful to them in school. Maybe it was another claim that Seungkwan was having an affair, or maybe it was to do with his company as a whole.

It turned out to be worse in the end. Once Seungkwan entered the house, the photographs were slapped down onto the kitchen table and spread out in a fan. Photographs of them naked together, getting intimate. At least twenty of them. The envelope had no address, and had obviously been posted through the front door by hand. The bedroom was at the back of the house too, which meant that the person who had taken them would have been in the back garden to have taken them.

The only sign of who could have sent it was the letter attached.

"I've tried to stay away but you're my entire world and I still love you. It absolutely breaks my heart that you would betray your fans by agreeing to marry someone who is obviously trying to take you away from your work and the other people who adore you. Leave him and I won't spread these photos online."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how it got to this, but I feel like after a number of cutesy chapters and the sweetness that this fic has followed, the dark side of fans is ready to come out. Their relationship is developing and unfortunately there's a few things that can be opposed so they're going to have that happen at some point!!
> 
> Thank you for reading!! <3


	10. Chapter 10

Hansol couldn't help but feel that Seungkwan was a lot more enthusiastic about the end of their relationship than he needed to be.

It was a bit of a disappointment, in all honesty. He'd been insistent that Seungkwan's company would be able to stop people from spreading his intimate photos around, but Seungkwan had insisted that they break up instead. It was for the best, he told him; the last thing they wanted was for their photos to be posted on some sort of encrypted website and then spread to a number of different platforms all at once. It would mean that by the time his company managed to track down the person who was spreading them and remove the images for good, thousands of people would have seen them already. It meant that Seungkwan's career would probably be over, since scandals like that were hardly ever taken lightly and public photos of them having sex would really take the respect people had for him down a huge notch. Likewise, it meant that Hansol would probably struggle when it came to university and jobs. After all, he was shown to be riding his celebrity boyfriend in half of the images and there was already a huge stigma against boys who were seen as feminine and inferior to any other men. It was something that he really didn't need.

Sure, he seemed upset by it for a few minutes, but that sadness seemed to be gone in a matter of minutes. He seemed to know exactly what he was going to do right from the minute that they cut things off, and so he quickly ended up leaving Hansol's house so that he could get everything arranged. He started off by posting on all of his social media accounts that his relationship with Hansol had broken down, but quickly added salt to the wound by deleting every photo of the two of them together from his Instagram and Twitter pages. There were countless updates from news apps and social media pages to say that they had broken up and interviews were arranged with Seungkwan to discuss the issues in their relationship, and then a few companies had even contacted Hansol himself, too. It was as if it was all for the publicity, in all honesty. 

Hansol knew right away that he was going to have to make it seem as if it was a mutual decision, as not to have the news twisted to make it seem as if they had broken up because of the huge gap in social status, but it was probably the last thing he wanted to do. He wanted nothing more than to tell the media companies that they had broken up because of some deranged fangirl who thought it was necessary to take photos of them when they were in the privacy of their own home and that, as a result, their relationship had broken down in a matter of days, but it was something that would leave him treading on eggshells. After all, there was a chance that Seungkwan's company would end up starting a legal battle with him over that sort of comment, since it could be seen as making Seungkwan look bad for his own benefit, even if everything he said was completely true. If not, though, there was a chance that the girl would post the photographs online anyway, just to spite them for calling her out publicly. It was something that he didn't want to risk, especially when Seungkwan was so bothered about it ruining his image.

That was probably what hurt Hansol the most. He was certain that Seungkwan's actual fans wouldn't be that bothered. They hadn't minded that he came out as being attracted to other men, and they didn't seem that bothered at all when they found out that he was in a relationship. They were generally pretty supportive and were always pleasant to Hansol whenever he came in contact with them. They were there to stay, and they weren't going to be swayed by some obsessive child who had no sense of privacy. In addition, it was likely that they already anticipated the nature of Seungkwan and Hansol's relationship. They were two young men in a romantic relationship, engaged but living in two separate houses and living very busy lives. It was to be expected that whenever they had the opportunity to be together, there would be a chance that they would have sex a few times. They had been in a relationship for long enough for it to _not_ be scandalous and besides, the photographs showed the end result of their anniversary date.

It just seemed to be a huge overreaction, given all of that, for Seungkwan to decide that they needed to split up. The biggest issue that Hansol had was that they had been discussing the future at that point in time. It was serious. It wasn't like the sort of conversation that they would have in bed together after a romantic evening, where their thoughts and feelings were in the moment and based on the atmosphere that they had developed over their time together. No, this was very genuine and very real. They had been searching for houses together in their free time, and had really wanted to move into a small apartment together. They had even viewed a handful of places, in hopes that they would be able to afford to move into one of those places with Seungkwan's savings. Given that they had been so serious about it, it didn't make sense for Seungkwan to suddenly decide that he didn't want to be a part of the relationship anymore.

Which had Hansol thinking about it even more. Perhaps it had all been a set-up or something. Perhaps Seungkwan had specifically found someone to take those photos for them so that they would be able to send him threats. Maybe he'd even set up a camera to take a number of photos and then second them directly to his laptop so that he could print them out and act as if he was being threatened. Their relationship could have been moving too fast for him when he took a step back and looked at how quickly their plans to spend the rest of their lives together were starting to develop, and so he'd gotten scared and pretended to blackmail himself. That would explain the fact that he was so quick to suggest breaking up and the way that he was insistent that they couldn't even pretend to cut things off but continue to have something between themselves behind closed doors. It could have even been the case that his company thought he was moving too fast with Hansol and so decided to give him two options for moving forward - either he would stay with their company and continue to work as an idol, or he would continue in his relationship with Hansol and would have to find a new company to take him on.

But then again, surely he would be able to talk to Hansol about that sort of thing.

They had spent several years together, working their way up from strangers to friends, and then eventually to boyfriends and fiances. It wasn't like Seungkwan was shy around him. He was able to tell Hansol if he didn't like certain ideas, and he wasn't shy about telling him when he didn't like something. It wasn't in his nature to be unable to tell him about that sort of thing. And he certainly wasn't malicious enough to pretend that they were being blackmailed and scare Hansol with the images of them both completely naked and writhing on top of each other when there was a huge risk that the photos would end up being taken and distributed by hackers in the future. Perhaps he _did_ just want his and Hansol's future to be safe when there was an uncomfortably obsessive girl trying to make their lives a living hell. That was what Hansol wanted to believe, but he supposed that he would never be able to prove the truth. And even if he could, the truth would hurt way too much in that sort of situation and so he could hardly say that he wanted to know what was really happening. For now and forever, he wanted to be blissfully unaware of everything that was going on and simply roll with whatever he was being told. If Seungkwan was certain that it was a stalker, he was going to accept that the person who was harassing them again was a stalker.

Saying that, though, the first time he saw one of Seungkwan's break-up interviews, Hansol couldn't help but want to know the full truth on the spot. It left his heart aching as his ex-fiance discussed how they broke up due to a mutual decision that it wasn't going to work. According to his account of the situation, they knew after just a few months of being together, but they continued to push through regardless. "He was my best friend and I think I wanted him to be my everything," Seungkwan told the interviewer as he tried to force a sad smile. "And then I realised that I loved him but in a different sort of way. More like a brotherly way than a boyfriend sort of way." Hansol instantly felt sick when he heard it. The words seemed so assured that it seemed genuine, and as much as he knew that it wasn't true and they had both been mutually in love with each other the entire time, it still niggled at his mind. He wanted to switch the interview off more than anything, but he had to see how it developed once he started.

"But the two of you got engaged," the interviewer pointed out. "We were all expecting that you were going to end up getting married."  
"It didn't feel right when we were in that position, you know. We were planning on getting a house together and maybe getting a pet or something, but then we took a step back and realised that what we wanted was the company of having a friend at home to share your evening with upon getting home from work." The interviewer promptly pressed her hand to Seungkwan's hand and offered up an apologetic smile, and so he immediately gave a respectful dip of his head as he insisted that it was okay and he wasn't about to start crying. Hansol _was_ about to start, on the other hand, and so he ended up having to take a five-minute break before returning to the interview. Of course, the more intimate questions started to arise as soon as he returned and that certainly didn't help to improve his mood in the slightest.

"Now, we know that these questions are probably pretty sensitive, but we figured that it's best to get these sorts of questions out of the way now that you're no longer in a relationship. There probably won't be any other young idols coming out as you have for quite some time, so we hope that it's okay if you talk about these sorts of things with us." Seungkwan gave a nod. Hansol rolled his eyes. "Now, we saw that you and Hansol kissed a few times in public. We're not going to ask you about the meanings of anything, but we were just wondering how it felt to kiss another boy. From what we remember you saying in early interviews, you'd never kissed another boy before Hansol. Is that correct?" Instantly, Seungkwan became flustered and tried to hide his embarrassment as best as possible. He informed the interviewer that actually, they kissed for the first time before they started dating - not that she asked or anything, Hansol noted - and so it was a lot easier to kiss him in public. Obviously, he couldn't really compare it to kissing a girl or any other boy, but he thought that Hansol's lips were a lot softer than he expected. The typical image of masculinity suggested slightly chapped lips and firm kisses, but their kisses were usually gentle and soft. Hansol's lips weren't ever cracked, and they always slotted with his perfectly--

And so Hansol switched the interview off. He didn't need to think about how it felt to kiss Seungkwan, and he honestly didn't know what relevance it held. It wasn't like Seungkwan was some alien who was teaching them about relationships on another planet. Surely it would be easier for everyone if he was to simply explain it as being the same as heterosexual relationships but now that they were no longer together, he was really starting to push for the differences between gay and straight relationships. Hansol found it infuriating, and so he ended up simply avoiding watching as many videos as possible on the topic. Okay, he was supposed to be getting his facts straight for if someone tried to question him on it in public, but he really didn't need to think about their own failed relationship in that much detail. He didn't want to have to miss Seungkwan, especially after everything that had happened between them lately, and so he simply refused to watch them and instead opted to stay indoors until the storm had passed and everyone was over their break-up.

And so Hansol simply ended up isolating himself. He worked on his university assignments from home, and tried his best to avoid making plans with anyone so that he wouldn't be seen outside of the house. Sure, it made him feel incredibly anxious to not leave the house at all, but the last thing he really wanted was to be faced with a situation in which he was being bombarded because of who he happened to love. He didn't want to be bombarded by interviewers, photographers, fans, or even Seungkwan himself. He really didn't want to see anyone, and so the payoff was worth the time that he spent feeling as if he was trapped inside his own house. He even quit his job, just to make sure that he wouldn't be forced to go outside again before he was ready to do so, and then promptly cut himself off from everyone online too.

It took around a week for Seungkwan to get worried about him, though. Up until that point, their contact had been relatively limited. Hansol had completely stopped replying to Seungkwan's texts, but the thing that had done it and raised concern with his ex-fiance was when he texted to ask if he could visit and Hansol didn't reply. He tried again a few hours later, but Hansol continued to ignore the messages. Eventually, his mother went up to his room to check whether he was there before asking if he was ignoring Seungkwan for a reason, and so he was forced to tell her that he just didn't want to talk to him. Of course, Seungkwan turned up to their house anyway because that was the sort of person he was, but he informed Hansol's mom that he would be there to spend time with her instead until her son got home from whatever he was doing.

Whilst it would have been easier on everyone if he had simply gone downstairs to tell him that he didn't want to chat, Hansol ended up deciding against it. He continued to sit in his bedroom in complete silence, waiting for Seungkwan to go home until eventually, his mom made her way up to his room to ask him whether he was planning on talking to him. She had things to do around the house, and she could hardly sit there and chat with Seungkwan for the rest of the afternoon whilst her son decided whether or not he actually wanted to interact with him. So Hansol simply told her straight. "I'll call you to say that I'm staying out for the night with my new boyfriend and that I won't be hope. Then you can tell him to go away and that I'm not interested in spending time with him." It was a harsh move, his mother told him, and she wasn't prepared to tell Seungkwan that her son was seeing someone else already when he quite clearly wasn't ready to move on just yet. It just seemed like a bit too much of a kick in the teeth, but she was more than happy to tell him that Hansol was staying out if that was what he wanted her to say.

Admittedly, Hansol wasn't making the situation any better either. He knew that he would probably be able to fix things with Seungkwan if he was to chat with him about everything and see what he wanted to do about their relationship, seeing as the hype was dying down and his company were probably going to be able to prosecute the girl who had been harassing them soon enough, with enough evidence from Sofia, security footage, and the other interactions that Seungkwan had had with the girl, but it didn't mean that they would be getting back together again. Especially not after Seungkwan's approach to their break up.

Sure, it might have been for the best that their relationship was cut off before someone got hurt. Okay, they were in a bad position and it would only get worse if there was any suspicion that they were still romantically involved. Hansol completely understood that. He also understood the need for the interviews, since it meant that it would seem a lot more genuine. It would also mean that other idols and interviewers wouldn't ask Seungkwan about their relationship, and the people at Hansol's university would probably refrain from bringing it up too. Yet, there was no need for him to be so enthusiastic about it. As far as Hansol was concerned, a break up was a negative experience, whether a couple decided that it was best to be apart or not. It wasn't supposed to be a time in which he was joking around or answering questions about whether they kissed and how it felt to hold hands in public with another boy. It just didn't seem right at all, and so as much as Hansol obviously still had feelings for Seungkwan, he knew that they weren't going to be getting back together. Whether the fan was being prosecuted or not, she had gotten her wish and Hansol simply hoped that she was proud of the fact that she'd left him feeling completely miserable.

As time went on, it became more and more apparent that Seungkwan was starting to realise how much it had upset Hansol. He hadn't needed to tell him that he wasn't going to take him back because his ex-fiance was quick to realise when three weeks' worth of messages were completely disregarded. He tried visiting their house again, but Sofia made sure to answer as often as possible and asked that he stop visiting. "My brother doesn't want to see you anymore and you should respect that," she told him, making sure to add a hint of disappointment in her tone for good measure. "You can't have it both ways, Seungkwan; you've broken his heart and acted as if it's a good thing, and now you're going to have to get over it. It's not Hansol's problem anymore."

And just as expected, more interviews followed. If Hansol rolled his eyes any harder, he would certainly end up straining the muscles around his eyes. He knew that it was going to come, and he knew the exact nature of the interviews as soon as he heard that his ex-fiance was taking part in them. But this time, he _did_ have to watch in order to see how pitiful Seungkwan looked. "We've seen your social media posts about making huge mistakes that you're unable to fix and we just wanted to clear that up and know exactly what you're referencing," the interviewer told him right at the start. Seungkwan simply gave a nod and reached up to wipe a tear from his eye as he tried his hardest to force a smile.  
"I realised that Hansol is my soulmate and as much as I've probably made it seem as if the idea of idols dating fans doesn't work in the slightest, I feel that I've made a huge mistake by not considering that he was everything to me. It might've seemed as if we were just very good friends, but I think that in every relationship, you need to be dating your best friend to make it work. For everyone out there who is avoiding letting yourselves fall in love with your best friend because you think that you're too close to be able to have a functional relationship, and to all of the idols out there who have fallen in love with someone who isn't famous and are reluctant to let that love blossom, I'd just like you all to consider taking the plunge."

For a moment, Hansol hesitated. Sure, it was cringy. Sure, he didn't really want to have to watch more of the drabble that wore him thin every time his YouTube account showed a notification for something that Seungkwan had been tagged in. Okay, he certainly hadn't considered getting back with him after the stunt that he'd pulled and the fact that he didn't seem to be affected by the end of their relationship. But likewise, he knew that he was simply feeling bitter and used and unloved, and that was why he was so insistent that they weren't going to get back together. That was why he no longer left the house, in hopes that he wouldn't need to face the people who would push him to discuss the way that Seungkwan left him and told him that it was for the best that they quit what they had. He didn't want to remember how much he loved Boo Seungkwan and how he was the first real love he had in his entire life.

"Chwe Hansol, I don't know if you're listening to this interview, but I'm sorry for hurting you by insisting that we break up. I... I love you." The interview finished there. Hansol felt his entire body tingling. They belonged together, and there was nothing that he could do to make their mutual feelings for each other go away. As much as he no longer wanted Seungkwan, he sort of _did_ want him at the same time.

So he immediately snatched up his phone to text Seungkwan finally. He held it in his hands for a while, considering whether he should tell him that it was over and he was sorry, or whether to confess that he loved him back. He wanted to be dramatic and harsh and firm, but also loving and sweet and romantic, all at the same time. He wanted to make Seungkwan hurt how he hurt, but he also wanted to give in and accept that yes, his feelings weren't going to go away any time soon. In the end, he simply typed in nine short words and hoped that he would get his answer when he finally saw Seungkwan's face again.

"I can't do this anymore. We need to talk."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a bit of a "loose end" sort of fic, I think, but I'd prefer to do that right now than go through the original route, which seemed like a good ending but didn't end up fitting because of how I finished he last chapter. It would have involved a huge fight between Hansol and Seungkwan that resulted in Hansol being hit by a car, so I guess at least with this one you guys can interpret whether you feel that they would get back together or not!!
> 
> It's a bit of a quick chapter really, so sorry about that!! I don't really know what else to say about that, other than that I was worried about running the fic dry and having something rushed near the end or going over the top, so hopefully we haven't got that sort of ending.
> 
> Thank you for reading!! <3


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